how?how?how?

Frustrated.

There's so much in my mind but i dont know what it is.Am i getting nervous for the graduation?Or am i nervous of what will my future be after graduation?Or some other things that happened?Am i worrying too much?Or did i bored myself too much?

2 more weeks to graduation.I still haven't found a dress.I saw one at Coast which i quite liked compared to all those that i've seen but i'm still deciding.How about the shoes to match?accessories?make-up?hairdo?

Well hair is not a problem as i have my own personal hairstylist by my side but make-up..hmmm...let make-up artist to do it for me or do it myself??

How about internship?
Going to send my resume tomorrow *monday 18th. Don't know whether can start on time or not.Gees!!!!Why the hell i'm so worried???!!!

Life is...

pathetic,deceiving,hopeless,tiring,foolish,suffering,horrible...

Tis few days i got so depressed.Kip on thinking abt my life.Sum ppl kip complaining abt life when they got such a good family behind their back,haf a father/mother to provide them watever things they want,at least they haf parents tat care abt them.

Sumtimes i jst rather stay inside my room or go out n not coming bak home.It seems to be a nice home but actually is not.I duno wat u ppl will say or think abt my family/background,it jst happened to me n i dun even wan it to happen,its not my choice.

I wonder if i can take all tis again or not,I dun seem as strong as i was before.Why am i always the one who haf to face all tis?

I dun think thr's anyone tat can understands me,i wan sum1 to be thr to listen,i wan sum1 who can support me...i haf lost all d confidence...i'm afraid.Afraid tat i'm being left out again,taken for granted,fool me,hate me n leave me..

I duno wat i shud do nw,i duno who shud i trust nw,i duno whr shud i go nw,i duno..i duno...i jst duno...I'm lost,once again...

Once i asked

me: is it better tat i work vry hard to get everything by myself or having provided with

everthing i wan by parents or sum1 else?

mum:of cos is better tat u get it all by urself la...like tat u will learn to appreciate things compare to those ppl who haf their parents who buy cars or LV bags for them

me:yea i think so too...but i jst envy those who got their dad who buy car for them,mum who buy LV bag for them n gif them rm1k or more for their ang pau

mum:haiya they rich ma...u got c anyone who is rich n its not spoiled anot?vry vry seldom..1/2 of a person out of 10 maybe...

Yea seriously i vry envy rich ppl's son or daughter esp when i'm surounded by these ppl lately when i started college.Like my fren,one call to her father n she will got money to go shopping.She wan a CUCCI(GUCCI) bag,her dad gave her money to buy one.Every year will go overseas for holiday,wana go whr aso can,wan car got car,wan money got money n sum even wan hse got hse.Or say sumthg like "haiya,everyday haf to take train i vry tired wan la,sit train got so many ppl summore" n den he/she got car adi.Sum even put 100 over bucks inside d pencil box exposingly without worrying anyone will jst steal it.One of my fren said if her wallet got less than 100bucks she will go n withdraw money adi.Another fren of mine wud buy a GUCCI handphone strap tat cost rm400+,jst a handphone strap.Get a Motorola V3x whn he's SE w800i dropped on d floor.

Yea darlings n honeys i'm envying U!If u r reading tis,u knw who u r.Sumtimes i jst cant get along wif u guys cos u all oni shops at branded shops or talking abt d latest LV bag n watever but no matter how i dun mind la,jst join d proudness of u guys buying...hahahaha...i hope u all dun mind tho...I dun mean u all r spoiled la,jst fortunate.

One day la...one day i will own it all by myself!!!!But how long?10 yrs?20?or 30?