Dead tired...

This whole week was like so tired,last friday was it rushing d fashion merchadising assignment but it all sucked,nt my part tho so i requested to redo it n luckily the lecturer let cos i let her look at it.Really sucked!So tis time i do it all by myself.Den Tiff came cos saturday she's goin for d air asia interview.Den Be went to socialize wif his colleagues n suppliers at Sunway n of cos he get drunk.He asked me out go yum cha wif him n b4 tat he called me tat time he talked to Tiff,so funny,becos he's drunk.
So Saturday went to ktm station take train to Putra,we missed d train n densuddenly got sum prb so d train was delay abt an hour.Tis time d interview is nt tat crowded.She passed d interviw so tues haf to go to their academy to take d final interview.How lucky she is.Got abit regret din go n try again...maybe i can get in aso bt i rather study 1st oni try lor,after 2 yrs everybody!Den she duno wan to stay anot cos tat mad aunty dun let her stay bt at last she decided to go bak becos she din bring enuf money n clothes.So ask Be to fetch us to Jln Duta.She can get along wif Be,suprisingly.We talked n laughed while waiting for d bus.After tat,me n Be went to Cheras fixed car den at d workshop thr got 3 shihtzu,so cute!!How i wish i got a puppy like tat.After tat went for dinner at Sri Petaling thr,had pizza.
Sunday,dad n all went bak to ipoh n i din go cos i nit to stay bak n finish my assignment cos tis time kenot last minute liao.So they came bak wif my sisters along.Aunty came bak seems pissed,i wonder isit i borrowed her black belt bt who cares.Den i lazy do assignment adi since monday got no class can sleep late ma bt jill n all came down for supper...wow they really eat like mad.So we so pissed tat we cant haf snacks infront of d tv so i on d drama on my laptop n we watched while eating.Slept abt 3sumthg like tat.
Monday.Aunty woke us up at 11sumthg,get ready n we went out to Lisa's hse(cammie's fren) cos her mum bought her a new shihtzu puppy...so cute arghhh!!!I wan i wan!Like a baby like tat.Den went to Subang parade(not again...!)bt tis time at least gt my sisters around lor.Bought sum nail polish n a fake diamond bangle.Aunty last nite acted like tat becos she's sick so tak apalah...Went bak home early cos she's nt feeling well n haf to cook.Terus masuk my room n sleep adi so tired!Dad came bak early today den duno wat he do la i aso dun care jst sleep saje.Den abt 6,dad knocked on my door...he asked me to cook rice bt i'm sleeping n he say dun sleep lor cos dinner will be ready soon.I kenot tahan leh so he asked sum1 else to cook rice den i sleep bak..hehe...After an hour or so Joan woke me up for dinner.Half awake only...After dinner,is washing dishes time,so me n jill on duty tonite.After tat i took my bath den came down do assignment.Finished abt 11sumthg.SO damn happy...n satisfy..Same thing,they came down for supper n watched d drama...until 2sumthg..
Tuesday,woke up at 630am.Damn!dun feel like goin class bt haf to cos promised lecturer to pass up d assignment.Went to class abit late bt still okla n alot ppl later than me hehe.Suprisingly class finished once Michelle jst came into d class for abt less than 5mins!No drawings today...how great...N kym dun believe us whn we told her whn she came after d class finish.Den me,robin,michelle,kym n asthena went for brunch at Jln Imbi for bak kut teh.Actually wana go subang n eat d famous pork noodles bt vry far orh...all aso hungry liao.After tat all aso go bak home to sleep,left me n michelle staying at college,duno whr to go.Not feeling well so i went home.Not a very happy ride bak home.I aso duno how it happens...haih.Reached home straight away take my bath den sleep adi.So tired n nt feeling quite well summore,eyes r tired.Woke up den found out aunty is nt cooking dinner becos dad is nt coming bak so jill they all making potato egg salad.Yummy,nice..Tok to Be on d fone,i duno whether is a happy chat or a bad one...hmmm nvmla...Den hang out till vry late again,i think abt 3 again
N finally today,Wednesday,woke up at 6am to wake Be up,ended up i called till i fell asleep n den suddenly got msg,d digi send to show d balance wan.Damn it,wasted my money...hehe bt my fault la.Actually adi set d alarm to 7am bt ended up woke up half an hr later.Reached quite early today.class ended quite early aso.Den me n michelle got no whr to go cos all d pc labs occupied so we went to d infront of d library n office thr(i duno call wat) to sit.Den went to Jln Chow Kit to eat chilli pan mee wif robin,john,mich,joe n his gf.After tat took train to Midvalley to meet d girls up.It was so boring,mayb becos i got no mood to shop gua.But i bought a winnie d pooh pencil box hehe...Came bak straight away sleep,again...n now i'm sitting here blogging n here i'll end it hehe cos wana haf supper wif my sisters.Btw tmr goin Palm Garden golf club,dad's playing golf n we go swimming n of cos i'm nt swimming la...

School Life

Tis time i came bak to Stw makes me realise sumthg,d only sch mate i get in touch wif is ONLY Tiffany.Today i suddenly feel like bloggin abt my secondary school life.

Well,alot of things happens in sch,its complicated,esp girls.It only happened to those who so-called-popular in sch,becos of jealousy i guess n tryin to condemned evryone who is on their way to being popular.Well,which girl dun like to be popular n to get every kinda attraction tat is so seductive?Sum is popular becos of their grades n sum is popular becos of they'r rich n sum is popular becos she's pretty n sum is popular becos they'r backstabbers n sum is popular becos of their family background n sum is popular becos they'r players n so on.N me?I'm nt vry sure bt i'm nt a top student n i'm nt rich.

Alot of things happened to me,heard alot of bad things abt me too,rumours i supposed.Once i heard ppl say wat happened is becos of my family background,said tat i 'no parents to teach me'*in chinese* which makes me kinda angry!Calling me names n so on...u knw...

I had a group of frens which we created a group name called '6littlechrist'*such a innocent n holy name*.I'm d 'da jie' in d group becos of my birth date.Yeah it was great to haf a group of frens like tis bt still thr's conflict happened among us.Say la "anything u can come to me,i'll support u n b thr for u" but whn anything happen to me all seems like they haf lost their memory or sumthg,no one thr to comfort me,no one help me,no one thr to speak out for me n none of them support me.It happened quite few times adi,always hoping for them to at least come n care abt me,bt all acted like ntg like tat eventho they knw i'm having a hard time,i jst kept quiet.N yet becos of their frens dun like me,they turn their back on me.Watever gathering or parties,none of them invited me,well i knw y n i dun even ask much abt it cos i knw who am i.Whenever they wan my help,i'll be d 1st who say 'sure!',trying to get their acceptance by help them whenever n watever i can unless i got sumthg tat i couldnt help.I've kept tis until nw jst becos i dunwan to ruin our frenship bt till nw,i guess sum of them dun even knw wat i'm studying n whr am i nw.I'm disappointed tho,nt nw,,,bt after so long i'm still disappointed.

Haih...life's like tis!I dun mind tho,get used to it adi...But nw whn i'm in college life is totally different,maybe it still havent happen.Or mayb they'r more grown up,mature,so they see things differently.Sumtimes hanging out wif them brightens up my day.Not to say i forget my frens bak in Stw,I still appreciates them as my frens n I remember every each of them bt r they?Sumtimes i go bak Stw,I really wish to hang out wif them,cum out yum cha or sumthg.Maybe i shud make d initiative to ask them out,bt will they come out?Hmmm sum of them aso in KL studying bt...hmmm dun mention le...

I'm not unhappy tho...jst wana say out sumthg tat kept in my heart a long time ago...

Numb to pain

If u wana hurt me for u to feel better,go ahead,say watever u wan to make me feel bad,call me watever names u wan and dun feel regret after tat.Dun say sorry if u wana do tat.Compared to how u hurt me b4 tis,i duno wat is more hurt than tat.But i blame all tis to myself,i'm d one who started all tis i guess.I hope u'll leave me alone if u still got abit sense of compassion.I already had too much to handle,so pls lessen my worries will u.

Hurt by Christina Aguilera
Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face.
You told me how proud you were but I walked away.
If I only I knew what I know today, ohhhh.

Pre-Chorus:
I would hold you in my arms.I would take the pain away.
Thank you for all you've done.
Forgive all your mistakes.
There's nothing I wouldn't do.
To hear your voice again.
Sometimes I wanna call you but I know you won't be there.

Chorus:Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you.
For everything I just couldn't do.
And I've hurt myself by hurting you.

Verse 2:Some days I feel broke inside, but I won't admit.
Sometimes I just wanna hide cuz it's you I miss.
You know it's so hard to say good-bye when it comes to this, ohhhh yeah.

Pre-Chorus:Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?
There's nothing I wouldn't do.
To have just one more chance.
To look into your eyes and see you looking back.

Chorus:Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you.
For everything I just couldn't do.
And I've hurt myself, oh...

Bridge:If I had just one more day.
I would tell you how much that I've missed you since you've been away.
Oh, It's dangerous.
It's so out of line to try and turn back time.

I'm sorry for blaming you.
For everything I just couldn't do.
And I've hurt myself....by hurting you.

It's so right abt tis song but one thing,is tat i dunwan to c u anymore even tho i wan to.

Colder than ice...

So many things had happened recently,especially yest nite.Last nite was Popo Chen bday,everyone went bak to ipoh to haf dinner wif her.I tot tis time,it'll be a vry happy dinner,or at least wif peace but it's nt.I was telling everybody,especially popo chen to nt worry abt it n jst enjoy d dinner,of cos its impossible,including myself,forced a smile on my face to hide my feelings inside.









I'm vry happy tat we can gather together as a family,happy tat i can meet up wif my 2 lil cutie sisters.Uncle Turkey(his petname since vry young) came wif his family too.Go bak popo chen hse tat time,we sat Tai Pak's car,1st time i sat his car after he bought tis MercedesBenz S'class.Raining heavily since whn we left kl bak to ipoh.Dark clouds all d way.Everyone in Popo chen hse,sitting in different places,nt toking as if waiting for us(kids) to leave them alone for them to discuss.While waiting for be to come n fetch me n 2 sisters,aunty asked up to go up to d room n told us sumthg.We heard it too many times,we already get used to it,its nt a unfamiliar thing anymore.Poured a bucket of disappointment on our face again.After tat,we left,b4 leaving as usual,we haf to kiss everyone goodbye;dad,popo chen n popo yee,aunty n say goodbye to Tai Pak.Tis time might be d last time we do tis again.

Heart felt so uneasy after d dinner.Too farn adi,too tired,too disappointed...too cold.Faced so much disappointment lately,too much emotional pain adi.Y?y everytime d person i love most r d one who disappoint me n hurt me?!Y my love is always taken for granted?I'm so tired,too tired to live in tis world!Y all tis shits always happening to me?Y cant let me rest for a sec peacefully?

Dun fool wif me,I'm nt in a gd mood!

Since tis morning I'm nt in a good mood adi,I duno y but jst dun make me pissed.Today got midterm exam so i sat at d bak of d class lor but i aso usually sit at d bak 1 ma.Den lecturer came in,wana start exam adi,of all d ppl sitting at d bak wif me,she asked me n kym to sit right infront d 1st table.DEn i saw a empty table at d centre so i sit lor cos nt tat front ma den she asked me to stand up n go to d front...ok..i sabar...So after exam she said all of us who finish can sign out n go out adi den i finished adi ma so i walked out to her table n sign out.She asked me to sit,of cos i felt weird den i jst sabar oni la.After tat no ppl go n sign adi wor so once again i walked out lor.Tis time she asked me to sit down again,wif a DIFFERENT tone!!!Damn her!!!I'm in such a mood adi she still wana do tis to me!F*ck her!!!!!!!!!!!So i'm d last person who sign out of d class!!!!Ishhhhhh!!!!Geramnye!!!!Y pick on ME!!!

Ok,whn come to afternoon class i tot she ok adi nt tat mad liao.After class,i was at d bak cutting out those silk fabric wif a few coursemates.AGAIN!OF ALL D PPL STANDING NEAR ME,Y CALL ME!!!!!!!!!She asked me to help her take things to her room wif 2 indian girls!!!She purposely wan lor!Damn her DAMN HER!!!!!!

Getting better??

I guess so.Isit becos prb solve or become worst?But sum say as long as i am happy,y worry so much abt it.But seriously i kept asking myself tis "am i happy?" question.I'm worried tat i haf split personalities tis kinda mental prb later.

Last thurs went MV wif aunty,got a free body scrub.Nice aso la but vry short period of time only n it cost rm120!So Damn expensive!If i married a multimillionaire,i might go n get a body scrub geh every once in a week.After tat went shopping lor den get sum stuff for mum frm watsons.Get so much free gift thr leh.Spend quite alot of money cos i bought sum products for myself as well.Really pokai adi la nw.










Saturday went out wif Be,went to Puchong,had lunch thr.We had western food,nt bad overall.I finished d whole big piece of steak by myself.Den went to 1u to get my pay lor n asked Papa sum info for my fashion merchandising assignment.Damn him!wat aso say kenot reveal!Den i ask him to ask for Edwin's email lor(d boss son),he aso say kenot!He say 'i dun think he will reveal tis to u as well,wat i can reveal i already told u'.Ass la u!U havent ask how u knw orh!u dunwan ppl to help me n wan to show how great r u only!Always like to show off!English so bad dun speak english la!Memalukan!Dun act as if u'r vry important!Ppl jst treat u like a hardworking dog only!

So got my pay but half of it haf to pay off my debts.So kelian...haih....i so nit money nw!!!I din go for shopping for so long adi!So long din buy things tat i really wan liao...haih...sob sob :"(

i'm so hurt again

Being hurt by sum1 who hurt u over n over again,is stupid or naive or innocent or wat?They say dun run away but to face it,but wat happen nw when i'm facing it?Am i stupid for letting it happen when i knw tat it will affect me so much?

I'm having d stress migrain again.Suddenly like thunder strike on my head,so pain...n slowly it goes thru my body n stopped right at d heart.I wanted to tell sumbody of wat i'm goin thru but i jst cudnt...dun ask me y...i jst dunwan to.Y knwing tat it will hurt me y still doin it to me?

Tired!!!!!!!!!

Worked for Hari Raya at 1u for 3 days.Actually 4 days wan but today got class.So damn tired...nt enuf sleep summore.Today i slept in d class again...so tired n they said i looks tired too.Haih....i'm kinda like psycho adi,too much too think,too much pressure...i'm so frustrated,i wanted to cry but i kenot!!Gees...its getting too far n much serious adi...!!!I'm happy at d outside but deep inside my heart is so tight...i duno y but i jst felt like tat.

Yesterday when i'm working tt time,we were discussing abt family,gens n relationship.So true tat its so easy for a men to forget their past relationship even tho they love their ex so much,unlike women,even we haf a new bf,more or less we'll still think abt our ex if he's d one tat gives us alot of memories no matter good or bad.Is nt tat we'r nt serious in d current 1 but we'r nt as cruel as mens.But loving sumone is nt to haf them but to c them happy.But thr's aso sumone who tell me,if u cant be wif sumone u love d most,u cant close ur eyes when u die.Bur thr's aso sumone tell me,love sumone who love u more is better than love sumone who dun love u tat much.

Haih its so complicated....i nit to get sum rest wif tis life...Being d eldest daughter in d family is nt easy especially in tis kinda family background,haf to face so many things which i shudnt n haf to act like ntg happen,cant share it to anyone,haf to tolerate no matter wat,pressure wif studies,pressure wif not enuf money to use,pressure wif nt enuf time to use,pressure wif relationships and so much more!

Festive Holidays is boring

I'm bak in my hometown.So boring,everyone seems to haf their plans,all aso vry busy except for me.Haizzz wat to do ner...

Bought a laptop yesterday,so happy but havent install software yet cos i bought 1 is free dos de ma.Now no ppl help me to do liao lu,haf to ask Ah Wei to help me...dunno he good anot leh...i actually can do 1 but i dun haf all d cds only cos last time i aso got help ppl format computer n stuff like tat b4 ge ma,tat was long time ago la hehe...

Hmmm tmr haf to go bak kl adi lu,cos haf to work.Terpaksa la,nowadays no money liao so haf to work.Work for 3days,at 1u,nike sports culture.Haf to work harder adi lor...so i can buy alot alot of things after tat.........Maybe tis few months din shop adi,become vry moody nowadays...is jst maybe...i dunno y but i really vry moody....

Sot sot dei adi

I dunno wat wrong wif me tis few days.Vry damn moody orh.Thanks to d 'aunty' tat havent come n visit me!But luckily recently got one group of freaks teman me,tok crap n laughing all along.Yesterday went sing K wif Robin,Joe n Michelle.It happened when Robin requested Sun Yan Zi song,so he tune it to vry vry high key so its easier for him to sing,so at 1st of d mtv is Yan Zi toking duno wat crap,so when its tuned into high high key it sounds like cartoon or little baby toking,me n Michelle laugh until tears came out,stomach cramp n nearly rolled down to d floor.OMG!!nvr laugh like tat for such a long time adi!Anyway,i had so much fun.

Today,I was late to class again.I reached thr nt long after,i slept,slept till she say '5 mins break'.I summore tot class finish adi,so happy but den Kym told me its oni a short break. -_-".So lunch time went McD at Ampang Park,after eating we sat thr n crapped lor...vry interesting.Den went bak college to continue class...so damn boring again.Tis time,Michelle slept,snored vry softly hehe but becos i sat rite infront of her so i can hear lor.Aftr class i tumpang Asthena car go MV lor,tats d only way n easiet way tat i can go home without having to change train.Sumtimes aso feel 'em hou yi si',haf to tumpang her car everytime,how i wish i got a car!!!

Reached Subang adi asked aunty to fetch me den she fetch popo go clinic ma so i haf to follow lor.Sumtimes arh old ppl,vry farn wan leh,dunno how to speak english ma so ask us to tell doc lor.Ppl tell adi summore ask us to tell again...haih...like mother like daughter.Tis aunty arh,ppl aso din ask abt her,she go n tell her own prb to d doc,tok until nonstop.Gees,sumtimes arh i feel women arh vry mafan even tho i am one.Like wat i always ask those guys,"women vry troublesome hor?".Sorry har,recently i'm being kinda disrespectful nowadays,thanks to d group of freaks i had.Today i vry 'keng',had McD for lunch n tats it,dinner aso din eat,jst ate a piece of frenchtoast n its becos i was forced by popo to eat...snack pun tarak makan only eat assam when my mouth itch.Maybe later eat instant noodle for supper lor hehehe..Tis is how i diet....shit!feel hungry tim nw...

I think alot tis few days,always tot of living in tis world is so meaningless.Looking at d train railway arh aso can think of how will it b if i die in d middle of d track.Sumtimes in d room,i lie on d floor n think abt my life,being so useless n all.Gees!thr's so much more.Haih luckily i can still control myself...but i guess i'll be okay la...still concious of my doings

Tmr maybe goin either spa or facial cos aunty got free voucher ma.N too bad her daughter kenot go cos I can go!Yeah Yeah hahahahaha...vry devil la me...;P

Amaze

Last wednesday our college had a graduation show at JWMarriot.Its was real grand.As i written at d previous blog,i'm selected to b d flowergirl tat nite.Dress code was black,so i wore d dress i bought tat day.

Went last minute shopping on Tues after class at klcc cos goin to meet aunty thr.So i went hunting for a pair of nice stilettos to match my lovely dress.At 1st,we're at inside of Isetan,shoes thr was so expensive becos of those brand names they had.I found d bag i wan instead of d shoes,d one i saw it at MValley,got 10% off summore but i think n think n at last i din buy cos at d moment d bag is not my priority.Nowadays i'm a smart buyer adi la,not tat shopaholic anymore cos no $ adi.AFter tat,I found d pair of jeans i wanted to buy tat day at 1u,50% off!!!!so i decided to buy it cos its really DAMN cheap after 50% off n luckily tat day i din buy if not i rugi rm50++ n d jeans give me a really nice cut other than Levi's M593.Its really worth buyin tho.After tat went out from Isetan,still hunting for a pair of shoes,went to Vincci but those shoes vry common n not classy at all.Den when we went to primavera,i actually tot i saw a pair black n red 1 tat they use d 'the devil wears prada' theme but dun haf den i go walk around n i found it!!!It was such a nice n classy stilettos n kinda mature but good for d occassion la.So i saved half of d pair of jeans money to buy tis pair of shoes,I'm so happy!

Okay,so back to d graduation show.We reached thr abt 5pm.THey said ushers n flowergirl haf to b thr early but is jst a short briefing n we got ntg to do.So hungry so went back stage to find our food.Saw alot of models back thr,doin hair n make-up.We eat until so kelian at d backstage,sum even haf to stand,like rats like tat.After tat still ntg to do,so me,kym n michelle were at backstage looking at a male model,everybody was like taking picture wif him sum even tok to him.At 1st we'r like dun dare+naikkan harga diri dunwan to take picture wif him de den got 1 girl ajak me go n take so at last i took wif him lor.Walaueh,he's so tall n so cute!!!After tat michelle go pulak after a long while starring at him from a distant.So its 7sumthing adi,we went out n eat,thr's buffet for d guest so we makan saje la since its free.Den bla bla bla bla,ushers haf to work adi...so me,d flowergirl,haf to wait backstage cos my job is after d fashion show.David briefed 3 of us(thr's 2 otha flowergirl) n tats all n everybody is getting ready for d show.My toes hurts maybe becos its a new pair of shoes...but haf to sabar.Gees,summore haf to wait till d end of d show only can go around.Amber Chia was thr,she's like d shortest among those otha models,she's so ugly...my fren from snips said i look better than her.But all d model aso not vry nice looking wan,seriously n no offence,maybe they'r too tall adi,face all kinda same 1 duno y.Overall d show was fine,jst sum mistakes at d price giving ceremony,not our flowergirls fault tho.D show finish at 10pm sharp so me n all d otha coursemates decided to go for drinking at Qba at Westin Hotel.Lasted for 2hrs cos actually wana stay until1130 only but they said is Joe's bday so celebrate wif him 1st lor...den we took alot of pictures especially Michelle hahaha....den we went to dancefloor thr n dance when the latin singers go for a break n tats when they put on rnb songs.Kinda had fun tho...but its kinda boring becos thr's only old uncles n aunties thr...i think we'r d one group which is d youngest...

Freakin' Friday

Went to Pantai Remis today...erm or yesterday cos its past 12am adi.Ate lunch at granny's den off we go(me n Jie).Its was cloudy d whole day,rains as well.Went thr to get a hair wash n Jie permed her hair*again*.I temporary curled my hair,wanted to c how i looks like if i perm my whole head.Overall was not bad,but i look kinda matured/old,wanted to make it more fluffy on top but kenot...Actually i aso wanted to c whether isit match d dress i'm goin to wear anot.But most of them prefer i straight hair wor...Hmmm deciding...


Tiff din FFK me tonite,we went to econsave thr to eat rojak,everybody is looking at us as if they saw ghost like tat.So we chit chatted.I'm kinda blurry today,Tiff caught me blur casing a few times.After tat we moved to Strawberry cos its kinda noisy thr n alot of ppl.I started to take pictures of Tiff n she dunwan.I insisted,took kinda weird n funny pictures of her...at last she kinda get used to it...took alot alot of pictures thr n kept laughing all d time.



Obviously my camera phone is better than hers...:p
Din hang out too late cos bebe is bak so went to meet him.Miss him so much,so long we din spend time together liao.After tat i came bak home n checked my mails n stuff,which make me kinda down when i received a mail n i dun even wana reply anything abt it.I wonder am i being fooled again or sumthing...everything seems so fine but things turns out to be like tat...i guess i shudnt giv any chances for it to ever happen again...haih...shudnt be so curios d next time...

When d TRUTH is revealed

"When i duno d truth i'm longing for it but when i knw d truth i'm dying becos of it.I tot i cud get over it by acting i'm okay but i cudn't,is like adding another cut to d healing wound.But who knws it will be more than a cut...i'm like being strangled,cant breathe,cant tok,cant shout out for help only tears was shed.I haf to go thru all d pain all over again becos of my curiosity.Curiosity really kills."

What Hurts The Most by Rascal Flatts

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house, that don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them outI'm not afraid to cry
Every once in a while even though goin on with you gone still upsets me
There are days
Every now and again i pretend i'm okay but that's not what gets me

Chorus:
What hurts the most, was being so close
And having so much to sayAnd watchin you walk away
Never knowing, what could have been
And not seein that lovin you
Is what i was tryin to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere i go
But i'm doin it
It's hard to force that smile when i see our old friends and i'm alone
Still harder gettin up, gettin dressed, livin with this regret
But i know if i could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that i saved in my heart that i left unspoken

Repeat chorus x2....not seein that lovin you that’s what I was tryin to do…

Days of My Sem-Break

Came bak to Stw tis Tues,jst nice for dinner,delicious home-cooked food...yummy!After tat went to granny's hse wif mum to find Jie but she's out.Actually i'm goin out alone de but mum sked i duno how to drive d new car...so she followed along.Reached thr,orang tarak so called her n she's wif Cavin at Secret Recipe.At 1st,mum tok to her n she dun let mum join so i tok to her den she asked me to go alone...hahaha so mum stay at granny's while i go n meet Jie.Chit chatted,ate d brownies thr but not nice de....yerrr...teruk!!!Den went off early cos promised mum to fetch her bak home.Reached home tot wana on9 1 but who knws my modem LOST!!!!!!!!SHouted for mum from upstairs n asked her.Geramnye...#@#$%^&^&*#!$%!!!So watched tv for awhile den help mum to count d coins she collected from the water machines.Slept early,luckily i'm sleepy n tired if not i'll be so boring!!!

Like wat i used to do b4 i went to kl,fetch mum to work at 745 den came bak to sleep.SUddenly 9something mum called from office asked me to open gate for d autogate-man cos they wana paint d grills...i opened adi,i even walked out to d road but no one outside so i slept at d sofa even took out my comforter.Half asleep n waited for someone to call to open d door but none!!!'Kek' me until duno how to say,make me haf to sleep on d sofa!!!Den woke up get ready n went out find Jie for lunch.We went Happy Castle.Sat thr for few hrs,chit chatted till mum called n asked us to go bak cos me n mum haf to go to Swiss Garden for her company Buka Puasa.Went to mum's colleague's hse to sit his car.HE's a chinese married a malay ladyn their daughther is so CUTE!She kept on look at me when i jst reached thr but she's kinda shy.Once she gets into d car she will push her casset into d player n she's only 1yr old plus.All d way we adults haf to hear to it,i kip yawning at d back seat.All malays is thr,only me n mum is chinese.They were like praying n stuff n i felt so sleepy when i hear them praying.AFter tat we ate,i only eat fruits,sum fish n kerabu.We left after they had their watever prayers(i duno doesnt mean i dun respect).D whole way bak,we still haf to listen to d nursery rhymes till we reached.From den,I promised myself nvr let my children listen to tis kinda nursery rhymes while in d car in d future!Gees,i wonder how they gonna stand it.WHen we reached we hang out for awhile at d colleague's hse,looked around d hse n look at their photos they took at London.Damn nice!Den we left cos i haf a 'date' wif my dear sis.Went bak home get changed n i'm out again.Fetch my dear sis den we went to beach pub,din drink jst sum soft drinks n we chit chat n sing.We took sum pictures too n a guy came n knw me,he look so awful...yucks!he wanted my number but i din giv him..my taste not tat bad okay!Den saw 3 girls which remind me of d past wif Jie n Ah Sze,we had so much fun b4 but nw...haih...N my dear sis bought me a black cut-in tshirt...so kind of her.

Den today same thing in d morning.CAme bak to sleep after fetching mum to work.But tis time,a fren from Ireland called me.Gees!adi told him i'm sleeping adi still dunwan to hang up...so terpaksalah tok to him while i'm only half awake...lasted for 2 hrs n when he hang up i aso felt so awake adi so i woke up n watched tv.Till noon only go n get ready n out for lunch.Fetch Mei n den go n fetch Jie n we went to d coffee shop next to d Liddo Hall thr,whr i can drink my fav 'kopi peng'.I ate 2 bowls of laksa n 2 glasses of 'kopi peng'.Damn full...Fetch Mei bak den me n Jie went to Maxis to pay sum bills n after tat went to Manjung pay summon.Ntg to do den we went Strawberry to haf sum drinks n desserts,we sat thr n chit chat again...Actually wana go do spa de cos Mei got sum free voucher but all aso busy n i got so many things to pay so din go lor.Den tis afternoon,my lecturer called,she asked me can be flower girl anot wor for d graduation show next wednesday n i said ok lor.I wonder y of all d pretty girls in college y me??hmmm...hehehe maybe i prettier gua :p...CAme bak home watched tv den a fren called,tot tat i'm in kl asking me out but i'm bak here.Too bad...Finally i got back my modem,cable n adapter for d modem tats y i can blog,if not den thr's another nite i'll be boring again cos Tiff ffk me AGAIN!

Tmr will be goin Pantai Remis to cut hair again.They say my hair thick adi wor...so gonna go there n layered it.N i hope Tiff wont ffk me again tmr nite...

Smart smart Day

Alarm rang at 615am,like wat i usually do,after it rangs i will turn it off n sleep for another 5 or 10 mins but tis morning,i slept an hr extra.Tat means i'm late!Woke up 720am n i said 'SHIT!' soundly but luckily thr's no one heard me.Den i quickly apply mascara,get dressed,done my hair only go brush my teeth cos popo is in d toilet when i woke up.Den spray on my Gucci-Envy perfume n thr i go...had my so called breakfast den popo fetch me out to d train station.Luckily still can manage to get out of d hse b4 8am so i'm not actually late cos today dun nt to do so much work on my hair.

Today got Fashion Marketing final exam,wah so 'geng' arh me n unexpectedly everyone is d same like me!Wahahaha...we'r real 'smart' man!Finish kinda early..sum even earlier than me...i wonder r they really tat 'smart'?hehehehe..so after tat went to MV den bebe go thr n fetch me cos i said wana haf lunch together...so at last we went to Wangsa Maju carrefour to eat,ayamas summore cos i've nvr tried b4 ma...not bad la actually...n i exceeded my quota for tis mnth cos tat day i bought 2 watches;espirit n adidas so kenot buy things liao....haf to wait next month adi....but nvm still got 2 weeks to October adi lu...hehehehe...

I saw one bag in Metrojaya.SO cute n funky...i like it sooooo much..its from Loop U.S.Vry small bag,nice for parties nice for everything actually but vry pricy orh RM89 for d smallest 1 n another abit bigger 1 is RM139 if i'm nt mistaken.Next month la next month la...Tis weekend gonna get a pair of jeans summore leh...shit!my shopaholic psycho is coming bak again.....

Tiffany is coming tis friday leh...how great how exciting...we'll go shopping all over but i no money liao leh but i'll haf fun....so muuuuccchhh Fun!!!

Lalala lilili lululu

As i've mention at d previous blog,i'm sick.After tat nite(saturday),so the next day i tot i'm getting better den i followed majority to go shopping at 1u again...Kinda din enjoy myself cos i kept sneezing d whole day n tats y no mood to shop as well,kept on find a place to sit.But i did bought sumthing which i nvr tot of buying at d 1st place.

So once i reached home,i straight away take my bath,eat den take medicine n i found out i had a slight fever...I refuse to take panadol,so i jst drank 'ho yan hor' n try to sweat but kenot...but after a long while i did sweat a little...so kelian...so kelian..haih i wish thrs someone thr to take care of me tat time....at least be at my side...but haiya...nvmla...i'm all good...still got ppl care abt me geh...not so charm at all...Next morning i wake up,aunty say i sounds like popo...hahahaha becos of my throat

Had some prb lately,hmmmm kinda frustrated...tired...disappointed...hurt...angry...n i dunno wat...sick summore...Haih i'm so tired of my life,y my life so screwed-up!Y cant i live peacefully in tis world...Gees!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#still sounds like a nenek nw...cute :P

poor baby...

Today went to 1u for shopping n to meet mum cos she's here to get her new car!Yahoo!!!so i got a new car to drive when i'm bak home.Tats so cool!

Tis morning when i woke up,i got sore throat n becos of tat i din slept well.Den i kept on sneezing n sneezing even when i'm at 1u.Den i get allergy pills from aunty cos i tot its allergy.After tat i felt better but its jst or awhile.N tats when i knw tat my nose is gone.Totally gone!

I'm so good girl today cos i din buy anything but i taxed mum for a 'bare' bodyshp lipstick tat i searched for so long.Hehehehe...I found a denim shp tat haf ultra low waist jeans,I've tried it n it fits so nice!It cost rm119,so i nit to consider abt it cos i really nit to save money nw,all d expenses use in kl is so high,nit to haf a budget.But i most prb will get it,ASAP!Den i went to find papa,at nike sports culture shop,I went to try out sum watches,its so nice but its kinda pricy n again i nit to save money to buy it,one day,u knw one day n when tat day come,it might haf sold to someone else who is afford to get it.Haih...itula macam,pandai guna duit tapi tak tau jimat.Den went to Romp,try out a hoody short sleeve t-shirt,vry nice or even tho its only rm39.90 but i still nit to consider.Gees!!!i'm so broke nw!

#totally sick nw but still can blog....how great....:p

Bad Day

Had a bad day yesterday.Wake up early morning to go take ktm as usual,suddenly cam dunwan go to sch so aunt nonit to fetch her,waited for aunty to get up n fetch me to ktm,wasted my time of sleeping longer.Once i reach thr its 745,they stick a note thr saying thr no electricity so thr's no train to kl central.WTH!!!knowing tat thrs so many ppl nit to take ktm,no electricity pulak!where got such thing wan!goit train to port klang but no train to kl central,tis call no electricity arh!So i waited for abt an hr so i decided to walk out n take a cab but all aso full n thr's slaughtering goin on,per person they charge rm12 jst to kelana jaya lrt station!If 1 person in a taxi,they charge rm 30!!!F**k those taxi drivers la!SO i waited,if terpaksa how aso haf to take taxi wan ma....den i met tis girl who is also goin to klsentral so she asked me wanna share wif her anot,so i agreed if thr's a taxi goin to fetch us i told her.Den thr's a aunty aso ask whr r we goin,she said she aso haf to go klsentral.After we tok tok tok,d aunty called her husband n fetch her.She's so kind to give us a ride.She's so caring as well,wonder if i'm late or anything,so she dropped me at bangsar lrt station.While on d way,she told us tat thrs a girl told her,if we wana find out wats actually wrong wif d ktm,ride down to port klang,d last station n we'll c tat all those workers r sitting thr having tea n their breakfast.We were actually toking abt all those government workers,so unprofessional n not sufficient.Like dad's epf procedure for my college fees,say 3 weeks time will be ready but it take more than a month to send d cheque to dad.

Luckily i found such a nice n kind old lady,which is a christian,n her husband din even complaint abt it,if not i'll be late n i haf to pay rm5 to my lecturer.I reached sch jst nice,not late.Its accounts on thurs,so i'm not good in numbers so i dun quite like it but i haf to...Den our lecturer take out those money tat were sponsor by those late comers n buy us food at cafeteria.Me,asthena,kym n michelle ordered d most food to eat,other coursemate were jst having sanwiches n some drinks...but who cares,its free hahaha.Who knws class extended becos of revision for next week final exam,adi so boring n tiring adi still wana extend.So at our lunch break me n asthena n kym went to sg wang,at 1st wana go klcc wan but changed our mind.We spend so much time in d accesorries shop n we got only 1hr left to shop.So we buy sum hair clips,earrings.Den we went to G2 to shop for clothes,so i bought a white tank top.

Who Knew

Pink
Who Knew

You took my hand
You showed me how
You promised me you'd be around
Uh huh
That's right
I took your words
And I believed
In everything
You said to me
Yeah huh
That's right

If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them up
Cause they're all wrong
I know better
Cause you said forever
And ever
Who knew

Remember when we were such fools
And so convinced and just too cool
Oh no
No no
I wish I could touch you again
I wish I could still call you friend
I'd give anything
When someone said count your blessings now
For they're long gone
I guess I just didn't know how
I was all wrong
They knew better
Still you said forever
And ever
Who knew
Yeah yeah
















I'll keep you locked in my head
Until we meet again
Until we
Until we meet again
And I won't forget you my friend
What happened
If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong and
That last kiss
I'll cherish
Until we meet again
And time makes
It harder
I wish I could remember
But I keep
Your memory
You visit me in my sleep
My darling
Who knew
My darling
My darling
Who knew
My darling
I miss you
My darling
Who knew
Who knew

D second look

I dunno how to start all tis but recently i realise when i'm on d street or on a cab or in a shopping mall i aways got tis second look from guys even old mens n even more n more foreigners!am i really tat ugly or weird or i'm too pretty?Huh?Thr's sumthin even more suprising is tat thr's a taxi driver say tat i looks like Siti Nurhaliza...OmG...Den i ask is he sure den he said i'm pretty like siti nurhaliza...how amazing is tat...

I got more n more frens from other countries now,Persians,Sudanist,Sri Lankans n i dnt knw whr...Vry fun being wif them but d communication wif them is like so different,but they're vry frenly...Being wif them is like so fun,say watever mean thing u wan but dunno y i jst cant say those foul languages anymore,its seems so weird to me now...but i guess its a good thing....N d another good thing is tat,they're really caring...I'm glad tat i've them as my frens...

Living in a new environment

So i'm staying at dad's hse for abt 1 week or more.Well everything goes fine at d moment.I got my own room,got my own space.Is jst tat i cant eat in my room or anywhere else but d dining area,even when feel like eating my fav assam aso haf to sit down at d dining table to eat.GEes!I'm more organised tis time becos i got my own room,tats y..But dunno y tis few days i cant sleep since i came bak from stw,kip on waking up from my sleep tats y i sleep enuf hours but yet still sleepy.

There's so much to talked abt when i'm wif aunty.Mostly we talked abt relationships cos i lend her d Men from Mars Women from Venus,she like it so much,i think she already finish half of d book.Yesterday i told her everything abt my past relationship,so sad when i told her,nearly cried becos i'm feeling d pain again which i've controlled for d last few mnths.She told me her experience aso so i cud learn wat to do n wat i shud nt.She told me to follow wat my heart wants.She say tat she can c tat i'm suffering rite nw,she knw i've alot in my mind.Finally there's someone who realise tat,i appreciates it.She told me something which kip appearing in my mind now n den-Is true love tat important?.She said her fren asked her b4 "having someone who love u more is more bahagia or having d person u really love more bahagia?",aunt still doubt abt d answer...me either...Haih think so much for wat la,its doesnt matter nw,as long as there ppl care for me n love me,its enuf,totally enuf

Yest went to bank,went to carrefour,went to subang parade but not staying at home to do assignments which haf to pass up today tats y nw i'm at home instead n not in d class rite nw becos i cant finish my assignments on time!Last nite dad was lecturing me,telling me how to write n answer d question for d assignments.I found out tat dad actually do teach at a college b4 long time ago when he was much younger,marketing summore!Gees!Unbelievable...tats y he can gives me lectures yesterday.Kinda funny tho....cute...N our hse printer kenot use de,asking so many ppl whether ot printer anot n at last be helped me,took it to his customer there to print but duno can anot la,most prob can 1 la...Hmmm luckily got ppl teman me,Asthena aso din do her assignments,tis morning i smsed her she was jst starting i guess...Well,later b4 i go bak stw i gonna drop by sch n pass up den rush bak to stw lor cos be's fren bday is on merdeka day so we gonna go bak n celebrate his day+merdeka day;2 in 1...hehehe....so we most prob will drink again....

moved....

I moved out from papa hse.I told everyone tat i moved to Subang n they said 'y move to a place tat is much more futher from coll?',well here public transport easier ma!Now every morning class i take ktm to kl central den change to lrt den reach ampang park adi i take taxi to college.Abit mafan but nvmla,as long as i can reach in time earlier summore n nonit to mafan ppl to fetch me.Well i actually moved bak to dad's place,is jst a temporary thing,till i find a place to move den i'll move.Tis few days was browsing thru classifieds section of all those newspaper n internet to find a place to move.Asthena wanted to move aso so we decided to share.MOst probably will move to cheras cos Asthena oni prefer tis area n sumwhere near old klang rd,but i prefer cheras la,near to d pasar mlm tat i like to go.So long din go to tat tmn connought pasar mlm adi lor becos d person who brought me there can no longer n no way tat can bring me there ever again.Tis time at dad's place i got my own room adi lor.I din realise i got so many things till i move tis time,my things all occupied nearly half of a Serena mpv.I even got not enuf space to put in my room nw cos i only got a small wardrobe n 3drawers to use n kip my things...All my shoes aso dunno wana put where,now all my shoes is in a big plastic bag in d store room...kesian kesian but i'm ok wif it la,no complaints....

gtg nw,class is starting anytime from nw....bubye

Wat is L.i.F.e to me?

Is tis d life i wan?is tis d life i deserved?
i got so moody today.there's no reason y becos i duno,all i knw is i got tired of my life...I'm so tired of being hurt n hurting,so tired of being left alone wif all tis shit,facing all tis difficulties,so tired of being alone walking tis path of life...where is tat one person who said will be wif me no matter wat happen n will support me n will accept me for who i am....y there's nobody there to understand wat i'm goin thru,y there's no one ask me how i am,y nobody give me comforts n supports me,y often i feel unfair...i felt like crying out but i cant...WHY?!!!!<<----ya i am vry farn nw!i admit>>

Pressured or food poisoning?

Yesterday i din finish writing my blog becos i felt dizzy n vry uncomfortable so i went home.I din eat my lunch after d cucur bawang i had in d canteen.SO i went home n get some sleep.I cant sleep n kept turning around on d bed unconciously.Suddenly i woke up n i rushed into d toilet n puke.It was all d chunks of d cucur bawang*eeeWwwWWw*.Den after tat to sit down at d sofa to get some rest n watched tv.Not long after tat i puked again.Overall i puked for more than 3times n i went to doc.I told doc tat i had food poisoning n suprisingly he asked me 'tat means?' i repeated my answer n so he asked again 'meaning' den i told him wat happened in details.After tat he asked me to go on d bed or a chair wif mattress or i duno wat,he press on my stomach or abdomen to be exact,he said it was gastric pain.He said all tis is cause by my eating disorder n pressured i haf.Doc said i cant take anymore 'suprises' or pressure,becos those migraine,gastric pain is all caused by pressured i haf.Went bak home,ate medicine..wana sleep adi but puked again,all d medicine i ate wasted....poor me har....walk aso kenot walk properly,like nenek like tat....haih so pls la anybody,dun pressure me anymore.

Phuket Island paradise-pt. 1

I jst came back from Phuket yest,wif mum n her colleagues co its her company's family day vacation.It was a 4days 3nites trip.Its a nice place,so relaxing.

First day is a free day,no tour or plans cos we reached there abt 3pm den we went for lunch at a local malay thai restaurant.I had a thai fried noodles.Its so niceeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!my goodness n i miss it nw!Den mum had tomyam n i shared wif her.I tell u,is damn good!D places is called 'Marina Kitcken'-they spelled it wrongly,forget to take d picture of d signboard tim...After tat we went to check-in at d Royal Paradise Hotel,had a rest for awhile den went to haf our dinner at d hotel.SO after dinner we went out to d streets n walk around,shopping n take a look at d bangla street,d most happening places at Patong beach.Saw alot of 'akua' there,some of them were so pretty n sexy!D things there is more expensive than bangkok stuff co its a tourists place.Basically all those things they sell is d same as Bangkok ones.Shopping at there haf to bargain more,at least 50% of their price they offer.Den after tat we went for thai traditional massage for 2hrs,it was so nice n comfortable...n vry funny too cos i went there wif mum n her colleagues which is actually counted as my fren la,one of my mum colleague was so funny,he's so big n d lady who massage for him seems to haf a hard time n all of us kept on laughing there.After massage,we crossed over d street where d hawker is to get sticky mango rice n some barbeque stuff...d bbq stuff,bangkok ones is better.Den went bak to d hotel eat n sleep rite away.There goes our 1st day.

#will upload picture to tis blog soon....n d rest of d trip blog...sorry ya,tired nw#

Its been such a long time

When i viewed my blog i realise i havent been blogging for such a long time*for me*.REason is i was busy doin my colour wheel n all those quizzes n midterms i nit to study for.D major prb is i dun haf a laptop or a pc wif me,if i do haf i cant either cos there's no phone line at papa's place.D only way i online is at sch pc lab or any internet cafes.Well,i'm goin to find a place to move,stayin at papa place is so inconvenient in d transportation matters.Ya it is convenient for finding food in tat area but nw it doesnt matter for me cos i barely haf my meals complete due to mood n lack of appetite.If i found a place to stay den i can ask mum to get me a laptop adi.There's so much a wana blog abt but no time,so many things i wana express n share it,jst no time n not convenient.

My fren,best fren,melody called me one day n asked me wana rent a room anot cos she's planning to rent a hse den rent out a room for me,its sounds like a good idea for me but yesterday i get to knw tat she actually wana share it wif me.If i agree,i haf to pay half of d downpayment which will cost abt $1k!Gees!how can i afford tat much $?Even nw aso i'm having some difficulties wif tat already.I duno how to say 'no' but i will when time comes n dad actually haf a fren staying near sch so he'll figure it out for me i guess.N tat place she said is at pandan perdana in cheras,if i go sch i haf to change few public transport so i can reach sch n tat means tat i haf to wake up vry early.At d mean time,i jst haf to wait n search for 'room to let' signs where is near to sch or somewhere which is convenient.Susah betui!

Last nite Tiff smsed me,i was so suprised.I din knw tat i actually will appear in her 'fren lists'.She's busy n i guess all of us is busy.Chit chatted few topic tat come into our minds,some which i dunwan to mention when she asked me how i am wif tat 'somebody'.Good to haf frens like tis,who will sms u once in awhile but most of my frens dun,i'm d one who always sms them 1st.Even those who i take them as vry good frens din even sms me after i came out to kl to study for so long,maybe becos they haf their partners adi.But dun care la....i got new frens anyway...frens always come n go...

Today had accounts quiz,well i'm always bad in counting so i din complete it but most of my course mate din aso.Passed up my assignment 1 for accounting n all aso copy ppl de..hahahaha i'm such a failure.Last monday i completed my colour wheel on time,lucky me,all of us haf to present it n my theme is summer n winter.Last week i had fashion marketing mid-term n economics if i'm not wrong,kinda forgetful since tragedy happened to me in some time ago.Finally i got some rest today,came bak home n i slept for abt 3hrs woke up 8pm+.Had a bad dream but they said dreaming of someone die is actually a good dream instead.When i woke up i was holding my hp n i tot i'm goin to sch in d morning,i tot i'm late cos i din heard my alarm ring but its actually at nite n i tot i adi slept for d whole nite,proved tat i'm too tired.Seriously i am,din haf enuff sleep nowadays,slept late n haf to wake up early.Expected anyway,d life of a student.

I had a hard time anyway,

#i seems okay but am actually not okay##

????

Guess wat,am nw in my sch pc lab.So damn hot here,unlike d lab in block A, new pc, new aircond but tooo bad there got class nw so terpaksa la!So sleepy jst nw inside d class,nearly slept.At 1st i planned to go sg.wang to shop 1 but class extended.Gees!wat shud i do nw,to skip class or nt to skip class???????!!!Well,anyway d lecturer gonna give lesson which is all in d notes so its ok if din attend d class for only 1 day.Asthena aso coming wif me,she's my coursemate.So i've decide to choose shopping...wahahahahaha....

The Women Phrase Dictionary

I wonder did anybody read tis book i'm reading nw anot,its called 'men r from mars,women r from venus'.I found it vry helpful for better understanding.So tis is some part tat i wana share wif everyone.

Quote:U see,when a women is upset she not only uses generalities,n so forth,but aso is asking for tat support becos every women knew tat dramatic language implied a particular request.In each of those translations tis hidden request for support is revealed.If a man listening to a woman can recognize the implied request n respond accordingly,she will feel truly heard n loved.

When women say things like tis;
"we nvr go out" -a man my hear "u'r not doin ur job.Wat a disappointment u haf turned out to be.We nvr do anything together anymore becos u'r lazy,unromantic n jst boring."But it actually mean "i feel like goin out n doin something together.We always haf such a fun time,n i love being wif u.Wat do u think?Wud u take me out to dinner?It has been a few day since we went out"

"evryone ignores me"-a man may hear "i am so unhappy.I jst cant get d attention i nit.Evrything is completely hopeless.Even u dun notice me,n u r d person who is supposed to love me.U shud be ashamed.U r so unloving.I wud nvr ignore u tis way."It actually mean "2day,i'm feeling ignored n unacknowledged.I feel as tho nobody sees me.Of cos i'm sure some ppl c me,but they dun seem to care abt me.I suppose i'm aso disappointed tat u haf been so busy lately.I really do appreciate how hard u'r working n sometimes i start to feel like I'm not important to u.I'm afraid ur work is more important than me.Wud u give me a hug n tell me how special I am to u?"

"i wan to forget everything"-a man may hear "I haf to do so much tat i dun wan to do.I am so unhappy wif u n our relationship.I wan a better partner who can make my life more fulfilling.U'r doin a terrible job."It actually mean "I wan u to knw i love my life but today i'm so overwhelmed.I wud love to do someting nurturing for myself b4 i haf to be responsible again.Wud u ask me 'wats da matter?' n den listen wif empathy without offering any solutions?I jst wana feel u understanding d pressures i feel.It wud make me feel so much better.It helps me to relax.Tomolo i'll get bak to normal."

"no one listens to me anymore"-a man may hear "I give u my attention but u dun listen to me.U used to.U become a vry boring person to be wif.I wan someone exciting n interesting n u'r definitely not tat person.U haf disappointed me.U r selfish,uncaring n bad."It actually means "I am afraid i am boring to u.I am afraid u r no longer interested in me.I seem to be vry sensitive today.Wud u gif me some special attention?I wud love it.I've had a hard day n feel as tho no one wants to hear wat i haf to say.Wud u listen to me n continue askin supportive questions such as:'wat happened today?wat else happened?how did u feel?wat did u wan?how else do u feel?' Aso support me by saying caring,acknowledging n reassuring statements such as:'Tell me more' or 'Tats right' or 'i knw wat u mean' or 'i understand'.Or jst listen."

"i wan more romance"-a man may hear "U dun satisfy me anymore.I am nt turned on u.Ur romantic skills r definitely sucks.U haf nvr fulfilled me.I wish u were more like other me i haf been wif."Instead it means "Sweetheart,u've been working so hard lately.Lets take some time out for ourself.I love it when we can relax n be alone wif no pressures.U r so romantic.Wud u suprise me wif flowers sometime soon n take me out on a date?I love being romanced."

Men always misunderstood wat women meant tats y there's arguements becos men n women think n process information vry differently.
Quote:women often discovers wat she wants to say throught d process of jst talking.Tis process of letting tots flow freely n expressing them out loud helps her to tap into her intuition.Tis process is perfectly normal n especially neccessary sometimes.
So its ok tat sometimes we raise our voices.SO guys,when ur gf argue wif u next time n tell u somthing like tis abt wat i quoted jst nw,think again.We r not being 'ridiculous' n unreasonable but is u who misunderstood :).From my point of view,when we say something like 'u dun love me anymore',we actually feeling insecure inside of us,we wan to hear tat u say tat 3 'magic' words sincerely n not accusing u of something.

Appreciated

Sometimes things is not easy to be share.Tats y sometimes i kept everything to myself,u can only c me smiling all d time but actually i'm suffering inside.Dun force me to say it out cos i jst dunwan to,its really not easy at all,n u will jst make me even more worst.

So while i'm writing tis blog,my bro msg me in msn.At 1st he got ntg to chat wif me but he say he saw me on9,he still haf to at least say 'hi' even tho he got ntg to chat wif me.I nvr tot tat someone who will really respect me becos of i'm his/her godsis,he's d only one.While we got ntg to chat abt he came out wif a topic;

T :just now J quarrel wif her gf over a stupid small thing...i wonder y they still together
Me :hahahaha...quarrel is a way of understanding
T :including scolding bad words and raising voice like mad?
Me :hmmmm quarrel is like tat wan la...depends on their attitute toward each other
T :(telling me wat had happen*confidential sikit ya*;is something abt J took a pic wif a girl.So d girl post it on d net.J's gf saw it n asked J to ask d girl to del it)....isn't it ridiculous?
Me :must understand his gf aso ma...cos she too care abt him adi,too love him
T :she kept on calling him,he's playing game which money counts
Me :is like tat 1 la
T :is every girl like tat?includes u?
Me :when come to tis kinda things,girls tend to dun care wats goin on in tis world n only concentrates on tat topic they r quarreling abt
T :wah...girls r scary...
Me :becos we care too much
T :i thought got girls are understanding enuf tim
Me :but of cos i've learned adi la...wont be so unreasonable
*some conversation had been edited*

Well,i admit i was unreasonable b4.As i said i've learned n i'm still learning,I learn to calm myself down n haf a talk instead of raising voices.Guys shud understand y girls act tat way,becos we girls r more emotional than guys do,we r not violent n wat we can oni do is bugging u all d time wif d same issue until u haf solve it even tho it happened few days ago or even months or years ago.Once it happens,we tend to feel insecure,we calls we bugs eventho we knw where u r from d last few calls n we still calls.Appreciates d feelings ur gf haf for u,they care n love u tats y she act tat way.N nvr ever take them for granted!

Ok,so bak to my topic.For so long,wat i've done for my previous bf is nvr appreciated.I dun nit anything in return but at least a word of appreciation will do but none n still wana take me for granted.No matter how he hurt me,i still forgive him becos i love him so much,before.Tats y i left n look for someone who will appreciate in everything i do for him n our relationship.N now there is.I jst talked to him jst nw,i'm so touch cos he really do appreciates wat i've done for him.He treats me so good till sometimes i feel i dun gif enuff for our relationship.For d 1st time,i felt i'm so appreciated.N i appreciates it so much.

All a girl wants is appreciation n not those sweeter-than-honey words u said to us.We wana feel secure n sweeter-than-honey words,its works at 1st but after awhile,when d love grow deeper,sweeter-than-honey words will only makes us feel insecure becos u can say it to any otha girls but it can be use when u r trying to make her happy when she's upset.Guys too want to be appreciated rite?

I slept abt 6am tis morning.Mum woke me up abt 12 cos those indian worker wana mop da floor sp terpaksa la.Get ready den go granny hse for lunch.After tat me n mum went fajar to buy present for my mum colleague's newborn baby girl.Everyone was looking at me,well usual la...So went to da 3rd floor,choose n paid.Asked da promoter to wrap d present,so leave those things there n let her wrap lor den go looksie looksie wif mum.After we go bak to tat department,MY GOODNESS!!!she wrap until so damn freakin ugly!I beh tahan adi so i asked 'u vry rush meh?',she din answer n continue wrapping d things vry quickly.Me n mum was like 'wat d hell is tat?!wrap rubbish aso nicer than tis la!' n walked off wif da things.C how tat promoter wrap,...even a kindergarden student can wrap better than her!Ridiculous!



After tat we straight away went to mum colleague's hse.Saw da baby girl.So cuuuuttteeee!well all babies is cute.Den we went bak to granny hse,ate durian den sis came bak so we went to drink my fav kopi peng again.Hahahaha tis time i ate laksa aso,my fav too.

Over n back home

My job ended last 17th.Was still in kl for few days to settle my studies stuff.So now i'm bak here to my hometown.Afternoon took da car at granny's den go D's shop becos everyone was there eating durian.Suddenly i felt so unwelcome,but of cos D did greet me saying 'hi,nike model' or something.My best fren S din even say a thing,jst smile,as if i'm goin to bring prb to her like tat from her fake smile n her expression.Oh wat?ur bf gonna pissed u off again if i asked u out?sked i will lecture u abt how good u treat ur bf again arh?I wont say things twice,if u not goin to listen to me,i might gif up,depends.Alrite,its ok.I admit i'm kinda jealous but altho i knw u for only 4 or 5 mnths aso cant compare to da one u only knw abt let say 2mnths,my sis even worst;she's ur schmate?Oh ya,becos ur hubby n her hubby is bros rite,i get it.Goin out wif her is like vry reasonable becos she wont teach u wrong becos she's older enuff,knw how to think better than me n my sis.So u both got ur own secret.Me n be were so hungry,waiting for them to finish eating,said wana go eat lunch wif us,but at last ffk us saying got things to do,1 wana go bank another 1 say wana go bak shop.Oh really?go shopping je gua!Ordered food for 3 person but only 2 of us eating becos of both of ur so-called-busy-reason!!!Dunwan to eat den dun tell us u gonna eat.Tats y i'm so pissed off!!!!!!!!!!!!Wat kinda fren is tis?

To cut things short i went to my fav coffee shop to drink my fav 'kopi peng'.A indian lady worker came n asked for order,so i of cos order 'kopi peng' n others ordered 'charm peng'.Told her so many times n she cant get it,so its doesnt suprise me when different drinks came to our table.Cant differentiate*i think wrong spelling here* which is 'kopi peng' n 'charm peng'!Geramnye...so i ordered another glass of 'kaw kopi peng' tis time.Cis,nvr been pissed so many times in a day!After tat we went to do our nails;me,mei n sis.Only rm15 but still got ppl say i'm wasting money...sigh...i'd got a french manicure,dark plum colour wif white but becos da white was ruined due to some rushing to fetch mum n stuff ,after i get bak from outing,i remove da whites n paint it wif black.N now its totally perfect...

Lets Samba!

So today is my day off.Purposely wake up 3 in da morning to watch brasil vs croatia.B4 tat i heard everyone saying tat tis will be the best match in all da qualifying matches n they r totally correct.Worth tat i woke up n watched it.But actually i jst wana watch Kaka play hehehehehe...he's so cute!!!OMg!!!N he scored!!!My idol!Ronaldo,i called him the fatty,sighh...disappointed,wonder is he dreaming but luckily he's awake for abt 2seconds n he nearly score a goal but missed it.Ronaldinho,hahahaha his teeth really make me LOL eevrytime,vry cute.Croatia played quite well,i din knw they was tat good till i watched them played tis early morning.Well,both aso sponsored by Nike,so both aso haf to support lor.So da score was 1nil as i expected,lucky me har,so ngam wan my prediction.But my sense har sometimes right sometimes wrong wan,made someone lost money...so kelian n i'm so bad!!!Haih...went shopping jst now at starhill,wanted to go n get a hair cut wan but i paiseh to go to da salon la cos i knw alot of hairstylist there as i'm working nearby,den dunno wana gif who cut for me,later dun let tat 1 cut tis 1 jealous den let tis 1 cut tat 1 jealous pulak,free of charge somemore so 'em hou yi si la' so better wait for another 1 or 2 weeks go back pantai to cut better,Mum gonna come tomolo for meeting so she say wana treat papa supper wor,i wonder how it is har n she's coming to my working place.*excited*
N tis saturday our dome/booth/shop or watever is gonna close,friday we maybe open for half day n start packing adi.One side of me wanted it to end asap cos i'm really tired n i miss home n ppl i love back home,another side of me em seh tak it to close so soon,all da staff i'm working wif n those bubblegun seller,guards,we maybe wont meet again,is fun wif them around when there's no customer cos we will tok crap n joke around.I'll miss them anyway,,,,

Fuss...

Went to da institute tis morning.Dad agree abt everything so i get myself registered.Oh well,thanks vie for ur comments,i think tis is da best for myself.So now da prb is my accommodation(i think i spell correctly rite?),staying wif papa is not vry convenient to da institute,so Sam(d education consultant)offered me a room in his condo which got few students stayin there wif him,rm300 per mnth,at wangsa maju,which is more convenient cos Sam can fetch me to sch n there's lrt station nearby.But da prb is,da whole hse is all guys,d room is empty which is not a prb for me,n da rental fees.Discuss wif dad abt it n he wan mum to chip in a lil for my rental fees cos he gonna pay 42k for my fees,n mum say pay half half lor n wan dad to commit to pay me every mnth for my expenses,mum dunwan to tok to dad n dad dunwan to tok to mum...wat shud i do?!Staying wif guys it can be solve by asking another girl who nit a room n can stay wif me.Oh shit!y my life always so miserable wan arh...so mafan...Study prb solve now accommodation pulak!I wish i can be a mutant tat is free of fuss,I dun nit any special powers like storm,wolverine,magneto,or jean,i jst dunwan any fuss in my life!Hehe jst watched X-men yest at 1u.Nice but kelian,nearly cried when charles died.I miss my sliced pork bak kua from bee chee hiang,i asked papa to bring it to shop when he drop me at ampang park lrt station cos i haf to go to da institute but he left it at d place he had breakfast!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:'(
Hungry now tim,din eat lunch today cos papa haf to go over to 1u n i'm da only cashier today so i jst bought 3 portugese egg tart to eat,ate 2 now left 1 so now i'm gonna eat it after writting tis blog.So kelian,havent get paid yet,haf to wait till tomolo.Wow u knw wat,after tis job i gonna get kencing manis cos everyday each one of us aso will buy halls la,chewing gums,mentos etc. etc. cos too boring adi,afternoon vry quiet on weekdays n rainy days somemore.SOmetimes i sleep somemore,can u imagine how quiet is tat but dun tell ppl u knw!kip it to urself only k..hehehe.Now one day no eat sweets like can die like tat,now my bag aso got alot of sweets.U wan one?;p

Choice haf made,i must be responsible

Its been a month i'm here in kl,working for most of d time.Sometimes i jst wanted to quit becos of d tiredness i've been thru.Now it only left abt 3weeks or less than tat but i overheard tat they were planning to extend d time period.Well i hope not.D last time i went back to stw,i've discussed wif mum abt my interest n wat i shud study.So i asked is there a position called image consultant,there is so mum helped me to find out.She found Raffles Designing Institute for me,which Melinda Looi was gratuated from n alot more of local+successful designers.I went to d institute to find out last week on my off day.Its a nice place,nice building,nice environment n they seems to be more concentrate on designing n marketing.I guess i will enjoy myself study there.So tis week,tis coming thursday,i'm goin there to register wif dad.School gonna start at 9th July,which i only got few weeks to play after my work here den go sch.Where got enuff orh?!But is ok la...After i study,i only got one week of holidays in each semester,so short but its faster for me to get my diploma.Its only 2yrs 3mnths of studies compare to LKW which takes 3yrs.I hope i've make da right choice.Well tis is wat i like to do n i'm interested in.Wish me luck guys!

I could only wish....

Vry sad to hear tat dad said tat in da future all our babies is not his.Meaning-all of my or my sis children is not Chen.Dad,only got 3 daughters included me,no son.He's tot maybe vry english n open minded but in some ways,he's vry china man.So i always haf a tot tat if in da future i got 2 sons,da 2nd one will put my surname.
Some of my ex bf really loved me cos they agree,but at last we aso broke up hehehehe :p.But sometimes,things will be different from wat they said when its really happen.I really hope my future husband will understand n let me do wat i wish to...haih but vry hard la...Next time b4 go dating wif a guy must ask them 1st lor,if not it will waste each other time...but i sked will scare them off leh hahahahaha so how arh....haih let it be lor...Vry selfish hor me...

Joga Bonito-Play beautiful

So,I've been working for abt 1 week now.Tired but fun.I'm working in a nice place,a booth tat looks like a semi football.Is kinda grand thing actually,reporter even came n took pictures.The reporter even asked me n my another colleague to take a pic wif us holding jerseys,so it might come out in The Star newspaper lifestyle section.Den astro came to shot 'gogo trendy'.Last friday was da launching day,Nike haf a party at a gym nearby,they make it to a vry nice place,vry creative.Alot of media came,NTV7,astro,channel[V],reporters from all da newspaper company,magazines etc.Ok so let me tell u wat so big deal abt all tis,its World Cup 2006 bro!

I'm staying at papa eric's hse.Staying wif him let me learn alot,his past,his experiences,vry interesting.Well one of a day,from wat i remember is papa's bday.Haf dinner wif big boss at coca restaurant to celebrate papa's big day,its a vry rare thing tat big boss will purposely came over to kl at nite n celebrate employee's bday.Da steamboat cost abt rm500+ for 7 of us.After tat we went to a coffee shop nearby our hse,old klang raod for a drink wif daddy.Dad was already drinking wif his frens but becos of me n papa's bday he came all da way from Puchong n he's half way drunk.Vry happy to c dad tat nite,he's so funny,as usual,he toks abt me n telling me things.I din knw tat actually i'm tough till dad told me.He said when i was young,abt 18 months old,he bath me tat time i fell down n my head got swollen n i din even cry n wat he said to me was "jess,stand up.Everything will be fine"n did ntg to my head!Tat was really funny when he said tat to me.Da same thing he said to me when i was at kindergarden private sch,i fell all da way down from da stairs infront of him!N i din even cry!He told me alot of things which he had told me b4,sound familiar each time but everytime it touch me deep inside.Dad let me stay at papa's place for long cos he knw tat there's issue between me n aunty,so its better for me to stay outside.

I think i'm growing fat staying wif papa.He always brings me to supper after work.He knw how to eat n wherever he brought me,is all good food especially da famous curry chicken noodles...yummmmm*drooling*.He told me stories too,abt his past,so kelian but vry interesting.

http://wildjessc.blogs.friendster.com/photos/joga_bonito/

My Mini Farewell

I'll be leaving to kl today.Found a job,working for da same nike i used to work b4.Tis time will be working at a different place cos they goin to launch da Worldcup2006 stuff .Last nite haf a mini farewell for me,i guess,happy tat everyone is happy n enjoyed themself.Hmmm i guess i wont be back in stw in 1 or 2 mnths time,I'll miss them.Therefore,i'm kinda excited tat i'll be working,i hope tis time is much more different than tat time cos i'm not living wif aunty n her spoiled daughter.I'll living at papa eric's hse n i will haf more freedom tis time!

Wild to a GOOD girl

I changed my hairstyle tis afternoon.Arggghhh i dunno but i dun think i like it.But b4 i had tat wild look,i was like tat aso...straight long hair but i jst dun get used to it now....

Wat u guys think?vry 'si man' rite!!!But tis looks is more acceptable than tat WILD one,so haih...din do aso do adi lork.Well i get it done wif only rm100!Cheap rite?!Sure la,my fren lei ge ma da hairstylist!;p

Life after Easter

*Tis Easter egg was brought all da way back from UK,is a pressie from my beloved 'ku ma'*

Tis year's Easter really meant alot to me.I went to City Harvest church on Saturday-15th April.It was totally awesome,overall everything was great,da worship,da ppl,da pastor,everything!Tat was da nite where i decided to open up for God to come back to me,i accepted Him back to my life again.Get to knw alot of new ppl,they r all vry frenly.I feel more welcome there compared to my previous church i went.Everything tat da pastor said was all actually make sense n closely related to US(no matter how old u r).I really enjoyed myself there n glad tat i went there.

I've learned alot.From tat,i've made my decisions.Well,things had happened n i dunwan to mention it here.Eventhou its brings harm but I nit to go thru tis stages before reaching destiny.Tats wat i've learned from da sermon.Tis decisions tat i've made its better for everyone,i dun think i will regret but i'll hope there's something we can learned from wat had happened from da past n change.It's sad,hurt,unbearable but time will heal,even it will left more or less of scars but wat we haf to do is face it n forgive.I do not blame anyone for wat had happened as i've forgive but if U think i'm wrong,jst continue blaming me or even hate me if u will feel better.I'll pray for u n for myself.So i'm not unhappy,down or even angry rite now.I told myself da 1st thing i came back to stw is to go thru it n live my NEW life.Y new?well,something or somebody had walked out of my life.I kept thinking of wat had happened thou but i think ONE day,i will stop thinking abt it anymore,maybe when i'm in kl next week,busy working which will makes me no time for it n slowly fades....

Slowly i'm changing myself.Like today,i've changed my simcard to a new one,get a facial,curled my eyelashes(DAMN!it looks shorter) n soon i gonna get a hairdo.BUt now having a hard time deciding la,so many ppl gave compliments abt my hair now,i like tis WILD look but but but so many but....haih...Tomolo i'll change my bedsheet,go gym,dun go out at nite(as if),start to make plans wif papa eric abt me goin kl.So many ppl said i looks pale n ill,maybe,after da struggle n those sleepless nites,i really haf to change my lifestyle now,REALLY!Well jst let it goes da way God wanted to...

Pals,pray for me k...

FRIENDS

It's 3.38am.I'm still in a cybercafe(shhh!dun tell anyone),online,blogging n listening to mp3's from my hp...I received a sms at 3am jst now from my beloved lovely darling,ah sze.She wrote tat she miss me n asked me to take care.I replied her,i miss her too wif a sad smiley at d end of it.She replied again tat she's worried abt me n will call me tomolo.I felt so touch n curious at d same time.Touched becos she really cares abt me n curious of wats she worrying abt n worry abt her aso cos she sound sad from her msg.I wonder wat it is,is too late to call her now so i might jst haf to wait till tomolo.

Friends always meant alot to me.Before tis i dun feel tat my frens cares abt me,they do but i think not as much as i do care for them,well i cant compare as long as i do my part as their frens.I cant tok to anybody as there's no one i can tok to,no one who can understand wat i'm goin thru,no one who can even spare some time to listen to my prbs.Till recently i haf tis bunch of frens,u knw who u guys n girls r.They really cares abt each n other frens.They take frenship as a important thing in their lifes n not only befriended wif those who will give them advantages.I nvr had frens like them,nvr had frens who will sms,care,call,be wif u once they c ur mood changes or when u r in trouble,nvr had frens who will stay late n go out wif u whenever u wan them to even they r extremely tired from work but now i haf.They r really great listeners,counselors too.Now i feel tat i'm less stressful than b4 which i haf to kip everything inside becos i got no one to turn to.I really appreciate every each of u as my frens,as my buddies,my bros n sis.I love u all!I do care abt u guys too!U all really meant alot to me.Thank u all for being my frens!Muaks muaks muaks!

*leave comments if u haf something to say when u read my blogs*

Don't feel ALIVE

Things suddenly came to me.I cant 'digest'.It kept appearing in my mind.I've been trying to numb myself wif alchohol,books,music...n even hurting myself.Where ever i touch myself;my face,my hands,my thighs,my arms,etc.,i imagine myself holding a blade n cut where ever tat is,blood comes out,feel da pain,i will feel good n relieve.Always,i wanted to do it whenever i imagine abt it but i knw,i realise,i haf a prb,a big n serious 1.I stopped myself,i tell myself not to do anything stupid like b4.Am i trying to avoid something?y i kept imagine tis kinda things?i dunno...but i kept thinking n thinking....

I dunwan to think abt it anymore so i went out drinking wif frens,haf fun but deep inside my heart i dun feel happy.I feel empty,useless,worthless.After 2 nites,i finally knw d reason,d reason of y am i imagine things like tat,it was so clear to me.It was becos i wan to get attention n i cant accept da fact,accept wat has already past,i cant.I'm suffering.

Till today,i woke up wif my heart beating real fast,hands r shaking,legs too.I punch my bare hand to da wall wif all my strength.No pain in return,so i punch a few times,again,i dun feel da pain at all.I drove to Lumut,went to Strawberry,alone.Ordered laksa n a cup of coffee.Ate 2 mouth laksa n i dun feel like eating anymore so i continue reading my book,Women who LOVE too much-Robin Norwood.As i read those story written,i found it quite similar to my situation.I kept thinking abt my prbs,i tot i will cry,i wanted to cry so i can feel better after crying but i cant,i cant force a tear out of my eyes.

Ah sze called me to go yum cha,i went there awhile,she realise i got something,she saw my eyes red n swollen even thou i havent been crying.I left without saying a word.I came back home,continue wrapping my books,trying to blind myself wif doin things but i cant concentrate.I punch da floor again,I'm trying to feel myself but still no pain in return.Daniel smsed me,asked me y i din tok when yum cha tat time.I told him everything.After tat Mei smsed me too,asking how am i feeling,i told her everything aso.Luckily there's Mei n Dan,if not i wudnt knw wat i will do when i'm alone.I realise actually there's ppl who cares abt me.B4 i knw them,i got no one to tok to,no one care but now,i haf n i shud be grateful to haf frens like them.But things still havent solve.I cant let go but i cant stand all tis anymore.I'm suffering,i cant breathe,i cant feel myself.I really cant accept!!!How shud i deal?How do i cope?!!I'm afraid i cant control myself no more,i dunwan anymore self-abuse happen to myself again....oh please....