Unforgettable Bali

For the first time of my life,of all the places and countries i've been,Bali is the place where i got the feeling of extending my stay so eagerly and earnestly and even thought of not coming back to Malaysia again.I love the sun!I love the night!I love the shopping!I love the waves!I love the company!

Here's the trip goes....

On the 26th went to fetch Jie,Jenny and Shirlene.They reached KL about 3pm.Me and Be rushed from 1pm+ from Setapak to Puchong then to Puduraya.After fetching them,we went to Pearl International Hotel at old klang road to check in and put our bags.Be went back office to attend meeting at 430 so he left us at the hotel.So we went Midvalley to change currency and get some stuff since we still got time till mummy and yiyi reach.About 7pm Be came and fetch us back to hotel and meet mum and yiyi up for dinner.We went Brickfields there to a Woolan Restaurant for dinner.Nice food.So after dinner we went back hotel.

27th-We woke up about 9am or 10am.Get groomed and get ready to leave.Went to the porridge shop again as we always go there for brunch everytime we stayed that hotel.Be came and joined us cos he need to fetch us to the airport.So after brunch,everyone got so excited and went to LCCT to catch our flight at 440pm.So bla bla bla,Be went off and we went in waiting for boarding.When we're waiting,there's this american guy walk by and give me that smile and i was like "huh?????" but i did smiled back la.So happened that our flight was delayed to 8pm!!!WTF!!!!!I went to asked them "why?" and they said one of their plane had problems.But luckily they said they going to serve us McD as refreshments.So i walked back to where i sit and the american guy came and ask if we're going to Bali also.He also asked if i'm a american because i sounds like one.Hahahaha funny..so i told him i'm a Malaysian and he said i got the accent.After awhile he came and sat at the back row of my seat next to mummy.Scared me and Jenny.He talked to mum.I got so shy and i don't know what to talk to him and i just kept quiet.So after awhile he went off.We went to take a walk but the freaking Air Asia airport only got 2 stores and a cafe.We bought some cheese cakes and muffins from the cafe to munch.Everyone is like doing their own things,i'm listening to MP3,mum was reading,Shirlene was massaging yiyi,Jie taking her nap and Jenny was playing with her handphone.I slept for awhile in my sitting position.I can sleep anywhere any position hahaha...About 730pm,they gave us our refreshments.Everyone is like hungry ghost like that.I haven't even finish my burger and drink and they called for boarding already.Boarded on the plane mostt of it was taken then there's a places next to that american guy and he asked me to sit with him.So we talked quite alot.Oh yea!his name is Spencer and he's 21 from California.Didn't get to take picture with him so erm...he looks like the lead singer of the Rooster.

We reached Bali also 11pm+ already.Suprisingly the wind is cold.We got airport transfer to the hotel.Its late and we were tired so we just went out for late dinner.Every restaurant was closed only left Apache,where we ate.The night life there is so 'Wow!'.Fun!But too tired already so didn't go.Damn AirAsia!wasted our time!!!!!!!!Errrrrrrgggggghhhh!!!!!!!!!If i got the money,i sure sue them for wasting our time one!

28th-Woke up 830am because they wana go for breakfast except for me.I'm not a breakfast person.So get ready and went shopping.Did manicure and pedicure for 50000rp which is Rm20.

Bought a tube dress for Rm8,a cowboy hat for Rm16,necklace for Rm6 and slippers for Rm8.Omg!there's so many handsome dudes around...so much compared to Bangkok!!!We see until our eyes also blur.A lot of surfing shops around.After tired of shopping at Discovery Mall,we actually wanted to go for massage but i don't want,i want to go to the beach.Even Jenny and Shirlene also.Go to Bali must go to the beach.So we find our way to the beach and we walked through a place,i think its a graveyard but there's people walking that way to the beach also so we don't care la as long as we respect them.We were so excited to see the beach,the waves and the people.

And we become aliens or superstar to all the local indonesian highschool students.Why?Because they followed us around when we walked at the beach and took pictures with us.One group after another and we felt so weird,everyone is looking at us.We walked about the end of the beach and we sat down for awhile and lied down.This few local people so sat behind us trying to take our pictures without our permission!Omg!Although i'm wearing bikini but there's so many other ladies who wears bikini too and why are they stalking us.WEIRD!So we decided to go back to the hotel.We shopped around at the Poppies Lane.I bought my dress there and 3 of them bought 3 pairs of fake branded shades for 70000rp and its like Rm28!!!Damn cheap weh..even Bangkok also cannot get so cheap.Whites there are really friendly and funny.While shopping in the afternoon,when i'm else where in a shop,Jie,Jenny and Shirlene were asked to take pictures with some guy from don't-know-where and invite them to go clubbing together.And while at the way back to hotel after shopping at Poppies Lane,so many guys do some funny faces to me and us,some greet us and there's some who saw us from a shop while we are walking rushing out and calling 'hey!cowboy..don't go!',i'm wearing the cowboy hat that time.Hahahaha real funny...but we like it.Spencer called me and asked me to meet him out and go clubbing with him.So after massage at a nice environment which only cost us 50000rp for foot massage and 60000rp for traditional whole body massage,we went Maxi to have pizza and soups and the time its about 1opm and I need to meet Spencer up at 1030pm at Macaroni.So 1030 sharp i went over to Macaroni to tell Spencer i have to meet him somewhere else later.

After that I went to SkyLounge to meet Spencer up.Its a nice and glam place.We wanted to go over to Bounty's but have to wait for the 3 girls to make up so we waited at the SkyLounge cafe.He buy me a beer.And that's the first time i tried Bintang beer.Its nice and smooth.So we talked for awhile then we walked over to Bounty's holding our beer.We played pool at Bounty.We saw a guy that looks like a model and he also looks like the new 'Superman'.Jie got to know an australian guy but he seems annoying and we tried to run away from him and we went up to the dance floor at 3rd floor.It was crowded.Their cocktails are very special and i love their Red Illusions which is 30000rp,for a long cilinder tupperware bottle.They played house music,i don't quite like house music but still fine for me.Its so different to club here in Bali especially which so many ang mohs around,not like here in Malaysia;you only dance with people you know or with who you come with and you won't simply grab people to dance with back here in Malaysia,one word 'not friendly enough'.No offence.We left about 3 something to 4am cos Jie wana take her bath and sleep cos we need to wake up about 8am to go for city tour.

29th-Woke up about 830am when mum and all went for breakfast.Changed and make up.And set we go to lobby and wait for the man to fetch us.Bali was having a celebration but don't know what is it about.So in the street you can see a lot of this kind of things.First destination is Tanah Lot Temple.Asked a china young chap to help take picture of 6 of us.Then he took pictures with us also and then we get to know him.He's a business man,only 23 years old.He took our email and he sent me this picture that we took with him.After that we went to Monkey Forest,i tell u..i was so scared!!!Actually all of us was scared,with our hands wide open to show that we got no food so the monkey won't come for us.

The whole trip was just raining and cloudy all day.Its just so-not-Bali at all.I wonder if when i tell people i come to Bali and its cold people will laugh at me or not.So i bought a sarong at the stall at Monkey Forest for 20000rp which equals to Rm8.So right after that we went up the hill to have lunch.Its cold weh..But the food is nice. we went Bedugul Temple to see the temple in the center of the lake and mountain around it.Very nice and cold.We saw two japanese/korean guys,one looks friendly another one looks cocky.We kept on talking and scolding that cocky fella because he's just so cocky!Wanted to try and asked him see how he reacts when we asked him to help us take pictures but we ended didn't ask him cos no one wana look at his face. So after that we went to a market.We called it Kea Farm Cameron Highland Bali.I bought a lot of necklaces here.Very cheap!Damn cheap!I bought about 10pieces of necklaces.And we saw a stall selling little rabbits,so cute!!!Omg!How i wish i can buy them and bring them back here to Malaysia. After that,our tour guide,Mario recommend us to his friend's spa.We can get cheaper deal if he bring us there.SO we went there to negotiate and we got Rm100 for the spa treatment.The place is very nice,very exotic and relaxing.Our appointment is at 1030pm so we went to Jimbaran for seafood at the beach while watching the sun set.Hoooo!Nice babe...amazing!Romantic....The waiter said that this is the best sunset scene where the sun set and the moon appear at the other side of the sky.

They got live band somemore.You can request song that you wanna listen.They can even sing spanish,chinese and so much more other than english songs even though they are Balinese.Waiters there are so friendly some looks cute too.They call every ladies 'darling'.We saw quite a few groups of Malaysian there as well but we didn't act like when sakai see another sakai la.So after that we went to Discovery Mall again before heading to spa.I found a black corset which can wear it out.Very nice but the cup there very sharp..like fake boobs like that.Its about Rm80+.I bought my new wallet there for only less than Rm20.So after that we went to spa.

The treatment and massage was not bad.I'm in the same room with Shirlene and we were both naked..Hahahahaha..We kept on laughing cos we were both shivering when they apply the body polish for us.When we finished is already 1230am and i still want to go clubbing.Quickly went back to hotel.There's a crawl at Legian street not far from our hotel so i decided to get down from the car and walk cos i need to change and do a little make up to go clubbing.At first Jie don't want to go because she's tired but i got so happy when all of them are going with me except for the two elder ladies.Well,the clubbing was not that fun like the first time and maybe its friday night so there's a lot of local guys which is very annoying.We saw a fight but luckily is a not very serious one.We left about 2am plus.Before that we sat downstairs cos we still don't feel like going back and there's this guy came to us and ask if anyone of us can go in to the pool of foam there as they were having foam party there.That guy is on a bet of getting a girl into the pool.But we rejected him eventhough i'm in my bikini,foam makes the skin feel sticky and i don't like it plus he's the one who got the money not me so what for.And then this australian guy came to talked to us and asked if we are Japanese and i said yes.He doubted i guess because my english was too good for a japanese so i said i'm in the international school(but even a japanese in the international school won't sound like that) so that's why he seems to suspect.So i'm talking to him because i said i'm the one among them who are good in english and i said we were from Hokkaido..hahahahaha!Really funny..i purposely asked Shirlene things in Japanese slang.

30th-We were so happy when we see the sun today.We check out and get ready to go to the beach for sun bathing.It was sunny.So nice..so hot but yet the wind is cooling.We went to the sea and played with the waves.Its so fun!

We tried their mee goreng at the stall at the beach.Maybe we were hungry,its nice!I'm so happy to get the tan that i want.Not too dark like those ugly arrogant Koreans that lying at the back of us.We have to be back at the hotel about 530pm.SO after the mee goreng we left to Poppies Lane 2 to do some shopping.I bought more necklaces,bought a boardshorts,a tube dress and a evening dress which is only Rm12.I wanted to buy more cos i still left some money but too bad we had to leave.How i wish i can extend.Not only me but all of us.Sigh...we were so sad when we were at the airport.We even wanted to cry.

Coincidently,i saw my senior from college.She got her hair braided but not tanned.Stupid right?and yet she's complaining she got gark already.My goodness.Typical chinese girl.No offence.

Saw this two little kids.Very cute...played with them on board cos they sitting at the front seat.They are from Melbourne.So that's the end of Bali trip.We're planning to go again backpacking for at least 14days next time hahahahaha so have to save money now.

There goes my 4th sem....

Today is my last day of my fourth semester.Of all the effort and the sleepless nights,i'm so tired.Came back home,get my shower get my body scrub and get a nap.Feel so nice.

Last monday dad cooked.We had delicious roasted pork and patty.Yummy..i got so full because i ate nasi lemak before that.But its so delicious that i cant resist it.Dad is so good in cooking.

Yesterday I got so bad luck.Its the due date for visual merchandising assignment.Went ampang point to get my proposal printed but lost 2 pages.I was pissed until don-t-know-what-to-say.But luckily our lecturer is kind enough to let me touch up today.Then yesterday after i hand in my assignment,me and lynn went Midvalley to meet her hubby.We went Secret Recipe first.I was so hungry cos haven't eat anything since i woke up in the morning.I ordered kid's burger to eat.So cute la!!!

After that we went to watch Fantastic Four.The cinema was so cold.I rate the movie 4/5.I love Jessica Alba and his brother,'torch' in the movie,he's so damn cute!!!After the movie,we went Chilis and we were chit chatting.Told lynn my part of history and she told hers.After that we do our revision.Stay up till 11pm something.Got so tired and went back home.I slept about 2am.Wow!it was fantastic...because i'm so tired.

So now i'm going Sunway Redbox with lynn.And there's so much plans coming...woohooo...and i'm going Bali next week!!!!

Is love that important after all?

Well sorry for not updating my blog for quite awhile due to my assignments and outings. Well now its the end of the semester where all the final assignments and exams coming,don't even have the time to get my body scrub.After this week,i can have fun already.Going Bali soon and i'm so excited about it.So soon and now is already mid of June.

Not a good month for me cos last night when i stay back at college do assignment,after that wanted to go ATM but is already 12 midnight and i only have RM1 in my wallet.Mobile gone barred because no credit so cannot sms so didn't sms aunty to not latch the door.So went to 711 to get top up,borrowed RM10 from my friend.Got so pissed because RM10 top up were sold out!Then got back home and as what i've expected the door is latch and i can't get in so borrowed my friend's phone to sms and luckily aunty got it.And this aunty also one kind one la,don't know how to sms and ask people whether going home or not one meh!I was so tired,didn't even online and slept about 2am.

Wow this morning...damn annoying...there's some people keep on calling me.Wanna sleep peacefully also cannot and i end up trying hard to get up.Went to college today,do assignments and revisions.Rajin rite?Hahahaha then went KLCC then went Midvalley.Wanted to find some translucant box or plastic box but can't get.I'm so damn sleepy so damn tired and got me become so forgetful.But suprisingly i can do my assignments,very quickly,its just that there's boundaries where i forgot to take my pendrive when i'm at Starbucks KLCC trying to do my assignments and my group mate can't online and all.I had a very nice nasi lemak just now with Lynn and her hubby at Bangsar.Wanted to meet up Binny also but i need to do assignment and he didn't bring his lappy so better don't go lor.

For 2 days already lor we didn't contact each other,felt uneasy whenever i think of him but i guess is better like that so we can slowly call it off.Sometimes i really think 'is love that important after all?'.

A women's pride

During tea time,i sat down with Popo Yee and aunty.We were talking about aunty's 30 over years of friendship friend,Aunty Juliet.Recently they met back and got to know Aunty Juliet's story.

Well,Aunty Juliet's was in a wealthy family.Her father don't want her to study at local University so he sent her to England to study,paid her 2 years University fees and gave her some money to survive.She didn't get a part time job because she need to study,only rely to the money that her father gave her.When she finish using the money she asked her father to send her money.She waited and waited.No money come.Her father was declared bankrupt back in Malaysia.She waited till she have to stop studying,wasted her school fees and have to work in England.She worked there for a couple of years and then came back to Malaysia.She wasted her chance to get the education that she wants because her father didn't tell her that he's gonna bankrupt before she went to England.And now she end up working at SJMC selling some hospital equipment or something like that.

All the while dad wants me,joan and jill futher our studies at UK because he himself was british educated.He want it so bad even though now is so much expensive compared to 30 years ago.First person is me.It has also became my dream.But i have doubts.The plan is i finish my advanced diploma next year and work for couple of years to gain experience and also to save money to go UK in the future.Dad convinced me not to worry,he got the money.I told mum and she don't agree.I even told her i wanna become a air stewardess,one is because this is what i always wanted to do apart from fashion and another reason is the pay is much more higher compared to a junior fashion stylist/buyer/merchandiser etc etc.And air stewardess only work for 4 days and rest 3 days.I really wanted to go UK.But mum say if i go Australia,she can afford.That will only be my alternative.

But just now Popo thought that after i graduated i wouldn't want to study anymore and i told her of course i want!And she said "haiya...girl study so much for wat la.Work for few years find a husband and get married la".Well i told her i want to study is because of myself not for other people.And aunty was saying "haiya ur dad where got money to give you go UK to study",yala i know you want my dad's money la and don't want me to go study right.In your dreams!!You one cent also cannot get from my dad!And she somemore say "you see la how Aunty Juliet now,its not easy you know,very expensive somemore".

I heard a lot of people saying women no need so much education,get a rich husband enough already no need to work.But i don't think so.How if the marriage screwed up?How do you gonna survive?Going back to your parents and use their money?Or till then only find a washing dishes job at a restaurant or a sales girl?Or find another boyfriend who can give you money to use and treat you like a whore?If the marriage don't screw up,good for you.But you couldn't just rely on your husband right?

Hmmmm...We couldn't just depend on men all the time.We also need education and even experience to support ourselves.We have to make our own money,our own success.Without men we still can survive,without love we also can survive.All we need to do is get the education that we want,do the things that we want and pursue of dreams our ambition.No one can say we are wrong or right.You wanna become a housewife,go ahead.You wanna become a business women,go ahead.You want to become Malaysia Next Top Model,go ahead.Do whatever you want as long as that thing is what you wanted to do.No one can stop us if the thing that we are doing is right(I'm not saying about drugs and all that).

I know now most of the people working in a job that doesn't even related to what they study but no matter how,at least you can proudly tell people that you're a degree holder or even much better.At least you got your education.Like my mum previous boss's wife,studied at Harvard University before,got her MBA and now she's a housewife.Felt a bit wasted but at least in her life she achieved something.Right?

*above statement or examples have nothing to do with anyone even dead or alive

Restless me...

Came back from Sitiawan on monday early morning,again i slept the whole journey back to Subang.Usually when i wake up i won't sleep again if yes also i'll sleep for about 5 to 10minutes,but this time i just can't wake up,wanting to sleep only.After that i went to college for my market research class.I reached there quite early,i'm the 1st who reach in the class and i slept.The cleaning service aunty asked me if i'm sick or whatever when she came in to clean the class and i said no and i continue sleeping.Till people start coming in i also don't know till the lecturer asked other coursemate who am i then only i wake up.After awhile i slept back again til the class starts.I sat there also very sleepy wanted to sleep but i stopped myself to.Ms. Hui Li even asked where have i been...you can imagine how restless looking i am

I stand until i really cannot stand already so i'd to ask Be come and fetch me eventho it's his closing day.Went home swallowed a pill of panadol and snooze till dinner.After dinner then sleep again..........sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeppppppppppppp only..

Some people really thought that i'm faking it.This morning got a sms from this-person asking me to go college because there's some changes in the assignment.I already tolerate and asked this-person to come somewhere nearby so i can meet this-person to discuss but this-person insisted me to go college no matter how.Fuck la...i can't even wake up how can i go college,i'm damn weak ok!The way this-person insisted as if i'm faking that i'm sick like that.So INCONSIDERATE!

Went to clinic to actually get MC.My fever has gone but whole body still aching.Doc say if next few days the fever comes back,it might be dengue.Hmmmm scary...and i think back,i think i got bitten quite a lot by mozzies lately...But i think i'm just not enough sleep la...haiya scared myself only...ceh!

RAIN party!!

I had such a great time last friday.Imagine yourself dancing in the rain and you are all wet!Its so damn fun!Ok well i went to this Rain party at Liquid dressed up in my black bikini top and micro mini shorts.Its a lesbian party,no guys allowed.Only Binny and his so-called-bf can enter,because he's a commitee of the lesbian eventho he's a guy.

Its not really raining but seems more like shower party but with people holding water guns around,pouring water on you.Well when the party 1st started there's a few dancers starting on some performance to entertain us and soon the rain(shower) was turn on and i was pulled up to the podium and dance.All wet.But its so damn fun!!!!First time in my life and i'm looking forward to the next one.Luckily i didn't get molested but i did get being invited by a girl(not TB) to dance with her and she did touched me la...Maybe she thinks that i'm good *vain*.

Actually Mei wanna go wan with her 2 guy friends but sadly her friends cannot enter.At 1st we thought can wan but suddenly their rules became so stricted because last year's guys allowed and created a lot of issues so this year they don't allow.

Didn't get to take pictures because afraid that it will wet the camera or even hp.I did bring my hp but i don't want to take it out la..scared later my baby rosak.But i did self-potrait myself when i'm taking a break outside *will post it later*.Was so tired because i didn't get enough sleep.The day before i didn't sleep till about 9am only sleep and was disturbed by phone calls,i left it silent after i answered a few calls but i still can hear the vibrations.Then when i was awaken when aunty or whoever wakes Jill up to go back Ipoh so i checked my hp.Binny called and he said he's coming in 2 hours time,and i only slept for 2 hours.

Then i woke up,remove my make up *was too tired to remove before this*,changed and went downstairs to see if they are leaving already or not.But dad just went up and bath so have to wait for him so i sat downstairs and wait as well because i so wanna see daddy.Waited for awhile and i decided to take my bath 1st since dad is still not done.After shower,everyone was ready to leave except for me and dad.So muaks muaks with Joan and Jill then left me and dad at home.So we have a little talk about my future.Then Binny reached and i asked him to wait for while cos i'm still talking with dad till dad noticed Binny was out at the gate waiting in the car for me.So dad asked me to go and i quickly run up and pack my stuff very quickly.Muaks muaks with dad then i ciao,i thought dad will give me some money but sigh...forget about it...

Then went to KL with Binny and Tze.Had lunch behind TS in a chinese restaurant,had typical china food and its quite nice.Tze meeting her friends so left me and Binny go Sg. Wang.Met Mei up at KLP to get the fake eyelashes glue.Had a little bit of shopping cos Binny wanna buy slippers from fourskin then we left.Went back to Binny's house and we slept till 8pm,woke up and gets ready for the party.We were all excited about it.

Kinda bad luck this time cos Binny's so-called-bf nearly cannot enter and by the end of the party,we couldn't find Binny's car key and it was not being removed at the boot before we went to the party,Binny's hp screen rosak after being squashed with the boot and Tze's hp is wet until the screen turns off.On the other hand,my hp is also in my bag together with her's but mine nothing happened also and luckily my laptop and other stuff that was kept inside the boot didnt get stolen.

So sent Binny's cousin back and we went back to Binny's.Ate nasi lemak,get shower and had a little talked before we slept.Again,i only slept for 2hours because i have to go over to Be's to go back Sitiawan.Binny sent me there.But i reached there,we are still not leaving.Be said don't want follow his housemate cos he's gonna leave at 830am.So we continue sleeping till Be woke up finish packed his things only i wake up and we left about 1130am.Dah la don't want to fetch me and want me to reach by 8am,reached already also haven't leave!If i know i sleep at Binny there longer la and also can let Binny sleep abit longer.Sigh...ego!

I slept most of the journey back and the weather is so damn hot!!Then reached already Be sent me home and he went back home.Didn't get any rest then i drove mum to grandma's place to see my QQ(uncle from Spore) before he leaves.He came back to paint the house for ONE day and the rest he went out to drink.He came back to Sitiawan last Wednesday.When i'm there i can already see him drinking alone at grandma's house.After that went out drink my favourite kopi peng then went back to grandma's to fetch QQ to Kg. Koh there to take bus.

Do nothing much back here,went for dinner at Econsave then came back home and watch DVD.Ghost Rider.I watched until i wanna sleep but managed to finish the movie.Took my bath and now i'm out at the living room sofa online with a tmnet dial-up again.

p.s: fyi,i'm not a homosexual or even a bisexual to go to the rain party..even if i am,i will surely show it out and wouldn't hide it.I just wanna have fun.Anyway straight girls are allowed in the party so anyone wanna go let me know. ;P

decision r hard 2 make

I wonder will i face regrets in the future.Well people say if u don't make mistakes u wudn't learn.Well,i'm goin to leave so that i can be myself,pursuing my own dreams and ambition without any restriction without having to face black espressions,going out with whoever i want,going home anytime i want and doing anything that will make myself happy.

I know its for my own good but i just want to explore the world myself at least i will know what it feels like and how does it looks like so that i'll learn.I leave not because of anyone else but myself.I'm tired,tired of being somebody who is not me,being so restless to do something that i want to do and doing something that i don't want to do.

I really hope u understand.

Emotional support

Whole nite I didn't sleep.Luckily got to college in time.And when i'm in the taxi,the taxi driver looked at me and ask what is my occupation,so i said student.Then he's like asking to be a model and telling me i'm pretty and then i tell him "tak cukup tinggi lah pak cik" then he answer "boleh lah muka cantik cukup lah" then i just smiled. I know i'm vain...hehehe.

Recently i've been talking to a lot of people.Getting a lot of advices.Some people who i don't talk to them also can see that i'm not happy,my smile hidden a lot of unhappiness,very fake.But kind enough when i'm down there's people who supported me and teached me,they want to see the happiest smile that i always had.

Down moments

Its freaking 2.39am and i'm drinking beer alone.Thought of getting myself numb for awhile but it just couldn't get me drunk!And when i don't want to drunk,i fucking drunk and its infront of my friends!!!-_-"

That's the way it is...the more you want it to be the more it don't want to be...


am i crapping now????????

Shit!

Saturday Nite

Binny came and fetch me and we went 1u.Saw two leng zai's,too bad can't take picture with 'em.Everyone will surely kill me cos i'm buying stuff again when i keep on telling them i', broke,and this time is a white long sleeved off shoulder SEED blouse,30% off at Padini Concept Store.Wanted to buy more but i controlled myself,need to save some money to get a new memory card and yeah i lost it again...really no fate with memory cards this is the second time already!!!

Went over to Valeska's party after that.What a small world,i saw a bitch at the party.Coincidently her bf is Valeska's friend so she went along.So i tell a few of my friends about her and she's definitely related with this word 'buruk',fashion sense sucks.When comes to group photo sessions,as if she's a part of them,so perasan and take picture with them even Asthena's bf also didn't take picture with us when comes to collegemates turn.Anyway,the food was nice,i like the sotong and the chicken.

After that i followed Kym back to Setapak.We went to a place called Feeling Cafe.I heard it was opened by some local singers.I like the place,got so-called-live band,can request songs and you can even write/draw out your feelings on the wall.We got suprised when there's two guys buy us apple salad and they didn't ask for our names nor mobile number.Its nice.Kym met her friend there and he dedicated a song to me.I'm so suprised and i wonder how he knew.He's a psychology student and the song is so related to my feelings that time.Had a great time,me and Kym,as usual,we talked.But that place can really makes you feel emotional.I thought about a lotsa stuff when i'm there,I think i know what to do about it.

Oh ya!The day before I went Midvalley with Mic,Kym and Asthena,i saw this vest at Miss Selfridge.Its so nice and its so my size!!!Very masculine,cool,sexy and its the last piece.It cost RM183!!Sigh..i decided not to buy...

Twisting and turning in a space that's too small...

I've open this page for so long n I duno wat to blog abt.Lately my mood has nvr been stable since grandpa passed away.Indeed,i miss him alot.

Recently i watched this taiwan serial drama called Angel Lover.I'm abt to finish d drama n I cried for most of it.Its quite interesting.In this world,there's a lot of different personality,attitude n beliefs in people.

Nowadays people kip on complaining n wish tat they can forget sum parts of their memories but thr's sum ppl in tis world try it so hard to recall their memories when they lost their memories.When they haf it they wana forget abt it,when they lost it they wana get it bak.Sum people oni knw how to think committing suicide everyday in their lives while sum people wana live for one more day aso kenot.Y humans r all like tat?when tat person leave den u oni knw how much u nit tat person,when u gonna die u oni treasure life,when u make mistakes oni u will learn,when u missed it u oni knw how important it is etc. etc.

Humans r selfish i supposed.

Alot alot alot of things happened recently.I guess i jst cudn't adopt with it.I'm in a situation which is undecided.I din realise it was so bad until today.All this while i was laughing n smilling outside of me but actually matter got worst inside.Maybe I don't face d fact*like wat tat person once/more told me before*.Infact,i don't dare to face it n i don't know how to.I tot i shud understand myself more than everyone else in this world but actually i aso don't understand myself.I may know wat i want but i don't know if d choice i made will hurt other people n i don't know how to settle it.Maybe, i too care abt other people feelings adi.

Now i really don't know wat is actually happiness means to me becos happy to me is jst a very short term thing.Is tat my problem?I think too much??Or i'm d one who created all d problem by thinking too much,caring too much???Is it becos i'm a person who kenot be stable for once????AM i stupid?????

Does all this sound familiar to u?Yea i knw most of my blog all sounds similar with this.Jst the same old shit everyday every month every year.-Tired-

Random Pictures

Me & Mummy
"FLY"show
This little girl can sing very well
Very smart little girl that only likes pretty and handsome to be friends with
impressing...btw tat baby doesn't belongs to him
Denim Nite

On d stage receiving the prize
Tada!!!At 1st it really sounds good but dun make it like ur concert like tat la

See!people aso kenot tahan sleep adi NiceOooooooo i'm freeeeezzzziiiinnnnggggg!!!

*****************************************

Bye bye Grandpa...rest in peace orh...miss uWe will love you forever...

Our very straight forward-tidy-clean-talkative-generous-funny-cute aunty n her 4 nieces

4 pretty ladies with a monkey...LOLThe man in the houseThe family potrait...without grandpa...The cutest couple *QQ(pronounce in 'kiu kiu' in hakka,means mother's brother)& Aunty Audrey(his wife)*

Birth Date

Your Birthdate: January 11

Spiritual and thoughtful, you tend to take a step back from the world. You're very sensitive to what's going on around you, yet you remain calm.Although you are brilliant, it may take you a while to find your niche.Your creativity is supreme, but it sometimes makes it hard for you to get things done. Your strength: Your inner peace Your weakness: You get stuck in the clouds Your power color: Emerald Your power symbol: Leaf Your power month: November

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

ARRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!

I'm so messed up!So fucked up!!!!How arh?!how arh??????

Tagged!

Browse thru Mic's blog n i found my name where i got tagged by her.Hmmm i'm wondering i perasan or isit really me cos it only stated "Jessica" n there's so many Jessica on earth...Well watever perasan aso nvmla cos i'm so boring nw...

Layer One: On The Outside

Name:Jessica Chen

Birth Date: 11th Jan 1988

Current status: ask me personally

Eye Colour: dark brown

Hair Colour: black
Righty or Lefty: Righty

Layer Two: On The Inside

Your Heritage: Chinese
Your Fears: lizards,cockroaches,boringness,being late,death
Your Weakness: self-consciousness,giving speech,forgetful

Your Perfect Pizza: Hawaiian

Layer Three: Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow

Your Thoughts First Waking Up: what to do today?

Your Bedtime: anytime anywhere
Your Most Missed Memory: when i'm back to Stw to see grandpa the last time at nursing home,he smiled n called my name

Layer Four: Your Pick

Pepsi or Coke: Pepsi

McDonald's or Burger King: McDonald.

Single or Group Dates: it really depends

Adidas or Nike: currently Nike
Tea or Nestea: depends

Chocolate or Vanilla: chocolate...i don't like vanilla

Cappucino or Coffee: coffee

Layer Five: Do You...

Smoke: NEVER!

Curse: there are times tat i curse but not too cruel la..

Take a shower: of cos la!don't u?
Have a crush: i'll let u knw
Think you've been in love: duh!!!!
Go to school: been to but obviously now i'm going to a place called COLLEGE
Want to get married: yes, but not now.
Believe in yourself: sumtimes..
Think you're a health freak: i'm very lazy

Layer Six: In The Past Month

Drank alcohol: of course...
Gone to the mall: isn't this a stupid question?

Been on stage: erm...erm...yea for mum's company best dress award!
Eaten sushi: nop...but i love to

Dyed your hair: not goin to...

Layer Seven: Have You Ever...Played

A Stripping Game: u may think tat i'm wild but actually i'm not..so its a NO!
Changed Who You Were To Fit In: yeah but after awhile i realise being myself is so much better

Layer Eight: Age You're Hoping

To Be Married: 25-30
For a: errrrr...*clueless*

Layer Nine: In a Guy

Best Eye Colour: olive green,sparkling blue,grey etc. etc. *it doesn't matter anyway*

Best Hair Colour: natural blonde*not lala gold*,brown,greyish brown,black

Short Hair or Long Hair: Depends

Layer Ten: What Were You Doing

1 Min Ago: scratch my hair
1 Hour Ago: online chatting n blogging at the same time
4.5 Hours Ago: paint my nails

1Month Ago: can't really recall

1 Year Ago: DAMN!i'm so forgetful

Layer Eleven: Finish The Sentence

I Love: to be FREE!!!

I Feel: blank...duno what to do

I Hate: to be someone that i'm NOT!

I Hide: mum n dad's wedding photo inside my cupboard,a place where its quite high which i tot only i can reach...i knw its stupid

I Miss: grandpa...sobz
I Need: to save money to go Bali,Redang n Spore

Layer Twelve: Tag Five People

Robin,amnesty,evie,fiona n bichai....

trembling down...

Grandma & Mummy

Went bak for the weekend for Mother's day.Be treated mum n popo n all of us for dinner.Brought Chester to the vet to get treatment for his swollen injured leggy.It was so disgusting when the doc found a worm at his leggy,ewwww its a meagot*duno how to spell*,a worm that eat dead tissues.

Poor Chester haf to put on the lamp shade thingy..so cute rite!!!This time din get to go my favourite coffee shop cos kinda busy n tired cos last few days was rushing assignment n din sleep.Den went fajar to buy sweet for mum's company.Been toking wif Jie n Yiyi tis time,abt relationship.The whole sunday afternoon i felt so hard to breathe,my heart is pumping so fast.I HATE people walk away from me like tat.So i texted Binny and he calls me back,luckily he cheers me up if not i'll jst burst into tears.

I hope its jst a normal thing nothing much but its too fishy for me to trust.My experience is telling me all tis is so wrong.Haih...well i'm jst goin to give tis one last chance like wat Yiyi said.If its gonna end,it will end no matter how hard i'm trying to save it.

Star facts

Below are true descriptions of zodiac signs, with traits from a book written 35 years ago by an astrologist predictions.

AQUARIUS - The One that Waits.Dominant in relationships. Someone loves them right now. Always Wants the last word. Caring. Smart. Loud. Loyal.Beautiful. Goofy. Easy to talk to.Everything you ever wanted. Easy to please. The one and only.

PISCES - The Addict.EXTREMELY adorable. Intelligent. Loves to joke. Very Good sense of humor.Energetic. Predict future. GREATkisser. Always get what they want.Attractive. Easy going. Loves being in long relationship. Talkative.Romantic. Caring.

LEO - The Coolest one.Nice to everyone they meet. Their Loveis one of a kind. Silly, Fun andsweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person Ever meet! however not the kind of person you wanna mess with... u might end up crying...

GEMINI - The Liar.Outgoing. Lovable. Spontaneous. Not one to mess with. Funny. Excellent kisser EXTREMELY adorable. Lovesrelationships,Addictive. Loud.

CANCER - Does It In The Water.Trustworthy. Attractive. Great kisser.One of a kind. Loves being In long-term relationships. Extremely energetic. Unpredictable. Will exceed your expectations. Especially with your mom. Not a Fighter, But willKnock your lights out.

ARIES- Irresistible.Nice Love is one of a kind. Great listeners Very Good in bed... Lovernot a fighter, but will still knockyou out. Trustworthy. Always happy.Loud. Talkative. Outgoing VERY FORGIVING. Loves to make out. Has abeautiful smile. Generous. Strong. THE MOST IRRESISTIBLE.

SAGITTARIUS-The Lion.Great talker. Attractive and passionate. Laid back. Knows how toHave fun. Is really good at almostanything. Great kisser. Unpredictable.Outgoing. Down to earth. Addictive.Attractive. Loud. Loves being in longrelationships. Talkative. Not one to mess with. Rare to find. Good when found.

TAURUS- The Cutie.Most Amazing kisser. Very high appeal.Love is one of a kind. Very romantic.Most caring person you will ever meet!Entirely creative. Extremely random and proud of it. Freak. Spontaneous.Great at telling Stories. Not aFighter, But will Knock your lights out if it comes down to it. Someone you should hold on to.

LIBRA - The Partner for Life.Caring and kind. Smart. Center of attention. High appeal. Has the last word. Good to find, hard to keep. Funto be around. Extremely weird but in a good way. Good Sense of Humor!!!Thoughtful. Always gets what he or shewants. Loves to joke. Very popular.Silly, fun and sweet.

CAPRICORN - The Passionate Lover.Love to bust. Nice. Sassy.Intelligent. Sexy. Predict future.Irresistible. Loves being in longrelationships. Great talker. Always gets what he or she wants. Cool. Loves to own Geminis' in sports. Extremely fun. Loves to joke. Smart.

SCORPIO - Aggressive.Loves being in long relationships.Likes to give a good fight for what they want. Extremely outgoing. Lovesto help people in times of need. Good kisser. Good personality. Stubborn. A caring person. One of a kind. Not one to mess with. Are the most attractive people on earth!

VIRGO- The Promiscuous One.Spontaneous. High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found. Loves being in long relationships. So much love to give. Not one to mess with. Very pretty.

J.E.S.S.I.C.A

A : You like to drink
B : You like people.
C : You are really silly
D : One in a million
E : You love alcohol
F : You are dead sexy
G : You never let people tell you whatto do
H : Very good personality & looks &are a very good kisser
I : Great in bed
J : People adore you
K : You're wild and crazy
L : Unbelievably great in bed
M : Best kisser ever
N : You like to drink A LOT
O : Awesome kisser
P : You are popular with all types ofpeople
Q : You are a hypocrite
R : Easy to fall in love with
S : You are crazy ( in a fun way)x2
T : You're loyal to those you love
U : You are silly
V : You are not judgemental
W : You are very broad minded
X : You rarely let people tell youwhat to do
Y : Best boy/girl friend any one canask for
Z : Always ready.......

long term or short term?

Was very blur today,very.Loads of assignments to do,mid-term tmr.This sem seems like going vry fast....

Eventually things r getting better...hopefully...wif relationship...but will it b jst a short term thing?Hope not...but isnt things happen like tat when u dunwan it to b like tat...d more u hope d more u get disappointed...d more u treat them good d more they take u for granted(in general)

Missing pieces...

Suddenly i felt sumthg is lost inside of me but i duno wat is it.I'm very happy tis two days but i felt sumthg missing inside.I went to Midvalley yesterday to watch movie with Be and went 1u today to meet Theresa up to pass her the handbag.I wanted to buy a lot of stuff.Stuff that i had a lot,stuff tat i duno y i wana buy it for...i jst wana buy as if trying to fill up the pieces in me.But luckily i controlled myself n i bought a pair of shades n a t-shirt for Be.I nearly bought 2 pairs of shades,a wallet,a green sling bag,a t-shirt dress,a nike jacket,a nike t-shirt,get a french manicure,a sony headphone,etc. etc. etc.Arhhhhh control controoolll!

I think is abt grandpa.I miss him so much la...i kept thinking abt him...kept wondering how is he now...does he like the funeral?does he like the place the funeral was held?is he 'happy happy' with the entertainment?'happy happy' is the word he always say...n i still remember whn he's in hosp,he told tis to the hosp worker tat stayed at the flat b4,so cute la whn he say it,we all laughed.But can u imagine anot,in few hrs his body become bones n ashes.Suddenly i'm scared...of death.

Life continues...

I'm back in KL already.Once i reached i went to KLCC,alone...pity me...have to do some research for my VM assignment.Went in to Quicksilver,curi-curi take pictures n look around if i can find any wallet that i like.I found 1,its black n orange one but its rm89,quite broke lately so walk other places n see if i could find a better one anot.Went to Parkson's Warehouse n i saw a black soft leather wallet,very nice n its rm86 but the finishing is not that good lor.Same like the Roxy wan so end up din buy.

While i was walking around n i passed by the indoor coffee bean n there's a guy sitting at the side table calling me.I was looking at him before that cos he's digging or putting something in his mouth n its gross!Maybe becos of that he noticed me.He's not bad looking but he's really gross doing that in public.Ewwww...

Btw,this morning while i was waiting for bus at Manjung bus station,i saw a so-called-friend with 2 china dolls.And mum were asking me "is he a pimp?"..hmmm...i duno...no comment

Damn!i still got so much things to do 4 assignments n 4 mid-terms on next week!!!GeezzZZ!How can i cope?Dah lah i last whole week busy with Genting n funeral...haih...

I seriously wan a WALLET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#will blog abt Genting when i got time...damn proud of myself!

Sad or happy?

I really don't know how to write this blog.Kong kong aka grandpa passed away on monday morning.Its not a very shocking news to everyone of us as we have already prepared for it already cos he's too ill n suffers.I even said "wth!" when mum knocked on my room door at 6am n tell me about it.Didn't cry...no one cried until the last day of funeral when we're praying for him.Funeral was so messed up,mixed customs here n there while we're having a christian funeral.The pastor sounds like he is telling his testimonial more than praying for the death n the service even have a hokkien song.So we prayed ourselves in a catholic way eventho its a methodist funeral cos most of my aunty n uncle n cousins are catholic,n i felt soooo much better after tat.Transportation plan was messed up forgot this n forgot tat becos there's too many influences already from the old people too many customs to follow.Seriously i'm not very happy with the funeral.I wonder if Kong Kong rest in peace with this kind of funeral anot.No one has cried when the coffin is pushed to the crematory room,we can even see how it burns.Haih anyway its over..went to pick his bones n ashes this morning.Placed the urn at Sam Poh Kong n throw his ashes at the sea.

I didn't sleep for few nights already becos have to stay n look after Kong Kong if there's any cats jump over his coffin.Second nite everyone is so tired so left me alone n my Be(who was drunk n sleeping) there to look after,i was so tired but still have to tahan.I can actually sleep cos we asked a uncle to look after for us but i still worried.

I found tat most of the time,funeral is the best moment for the whole family to gather together.Its quite happy tho,we have every lunch n dinner together,went to Lumut den went to Beach pub n sing K together.Had a really great time together.

Luckily last Thurs i saw Kong Kong when i first got back to Stw.He somemore called my name n smiled eventho he's so ill.Forever i will never forget his smile...forever...sobz

#will post sum pictures later

Ba la la la ba la la la

i'm sitting infront of the tv and beside me is my laptop.
i'm back home at the place where i born the place where i call home.
lucky enough i can get online using dial-up which it very slow.
amazingly i sign in to my blogger perfectly compared when i'm at kl house with streamyx.
felt so tired...mentally.
lots of case studies and assignments but i'm gonna start doing it tomorrow.

i fantasies a lot lately.
imagine the life i wouldn't be in 15yrs time if i'm lucky.

talked to mum about my future plans.
well let it flow till time comes.
now i just want to work and buy stuff i desires.
importantly pass my marketing research subject pass this whole sem so i can proceed to my FMP.

i'm trying to make my life as simple as possible but there's always a problem on my way.
maybe i shud go church and pray more.
am i being ridiculous?

Living in KL

Like wat most of the people said KL life is very hectic.Competitive,traffic jams,busy,high standard of living etc. etc. I been here in KL for about a year already or more,times flies and soon I'm going to graduate.Make alot of new friends,hanging out,clubbing,shopping,go for trips together,kepo together,do assignment together,cry together and share everything together no matter good or bad like brother and sisters.

I still remember when I just finish my SPM and after CNY.Wooohoo so damn relax tat time,wake up 1 or 2 in the afternoon,go out lunch-tea,sit there at whichever coffee shop till evening with Jie and Ah Sze den go home have dinner den come out again at nite see whether if we're lucky enough to meet any cute guys(not local and not lala) and after tat I went home to online till 4 or 5am den sleep and all goes around doing the same thing every weekdays.Went to Cameron Highlands twice with both of them and we had lots of fun there,sweet memories.Life tat time was so relaxed so easy without worries,no assignments to rush,got car to drive here and there,got money aso duno where to spend but got abit boring la duno where to go,where to eat,where to drink,where to dance and where to shop.

And now me myself at KL here,busy with outings and assignments.No car to drive unless aunty not around.Nit to rush assignments.No money due to trips and shopping and everyday use.Time passes real fast and home is far away from college.And now I'm thinking of getting a freelance job to earn some money to buy some stuff for myself and save some money for the Bali trip in June and probably Singapore trip end of the year.Have to think wat to wear from day to day,buy new clothes,shoes,etc. to upgrade yourself(sort of).

I'm going back Sitiawan after tomorrow afternoon class,spend a day,renew my driving license den go Genting with mum and colleagues for family day(cut cost adi) for 3days and go back Sitiawan again till next Thurs.Its a long holiday back home and it save some money too(u can imagine how broke i am now) but I duno wat to do back there la,cannot online...sigh...Planned to get all those dvd and TVB drama series back home to watch.

Btw,last week I bought a pair of shoes from NOVO Bangsar Village,actually is Melissa,a very nice and comfortable and its on sale,40% off and it was rm99.90.Lynn went to buy just yesterday and its was back to the normal price,lucky me!So tats why if next time you see something you like and its on sale,you must buy.BBQ at Robin's again,not a very successful one cos the foil was burn not like last time but we still had fun la and as usual I'm the one who's doing all the cooking(i mean BBQ-ing) but eat abit oni.And the next day,we went sing K at Sunway Redbox with Lynn,Jessie,Robin,Henry,Alfie,Harees etc. etc. den after tat we went 1utama to watch MODA Fashion show den met Mic there.Actually we just wanted to see Jojo catwalk cos she was in the Malaysian Young Model finalist and den Jessie offer me 2 passes,one for me and another one for Robin.Wow...there's so many cute guys around,handsome...but....sigh....most of them are not straight,wasted.I spot on a male model.OMG!!!he's so handsome,so cute and so sweeeeeeeeeeeet!But too bad la,he must be gay or maybe bisexual and if he's bi den hehehe at least I got 50% of chance.

#will upload pictures later k...stay tuned!

As i've promise

The trip was fun jst lack of luck cos alot of things happened even once we reached Bangkok.We went into 2 taxi.So happen tat joe,charlie n kym taxi driver duno how to speak english at all.Having prb wif fone no credit so all kenot get contact to us who haf reached d hotel.So end up they stopped sumwhr nearby,me n robin walked out n pick them up.I was so f**king pissed at d taxi driver n i jst shoot him->"u taxi driver duno whr wan arh?!opposite thr oni la!" n he dun understand until ppl at the petrol station translate it to him.Stupid betul!

We wanted to go Bed club wan but underage.Damn their club,20yrs old only can enter,dah la mahal.Den went over to Qbar,let them c our IC instead of passport n we nearly succeeded but tis Kym really...haih...so we end up chillin' out at a really small club oni rm20 per person n u get a free drink.Only a english man in d club n no one else.We own d whole place by ourself n we can make request wat song to be played so we can dance.Damn hell alot of handsome whites thr n aso thais...c until eyes aso blur liao..

Thr was tis funny tat happened,ppl tot we'r japanese/koreans.So we faking it by toking to each other by adding 'ka' at d end of each words we speaks n they tot we'r really japanese/koreans.Thr's tis couple from japan asking us things n we were stoned looking at them trying so hard to understand den we tell them we'r not japanese.

Overall tis trip is not as fun as d Singapore trip becos thr's too much of us n tat's y misunderstanding happens.I'm d one who responsible for d whole trip,so much to worry abt but still thr's ppl complaint tat i din care abt whr they go n stuff like tat.At d end of d trip,i still help everyone of them to pack their stuff n of cos wif robin's help becos they left early cos 1 group went to pray d four-faced buddha n another group went shopping.N no one appreciates it,we can jst leave it thr n check-out like tat.Ppl make mistakes,well i did n i left robin's newly bought liquor n cigarettes.Actually it can be prevent if they'r not selfish...jst think of themself oni n no one else,d last person if they r considerate enuf they will look bak n c if anything left n so happened tat i walked 1st n i totally forget abt it.

I'm actually vry pissed.I've done so much n cared so much but still thr's ppl complaint tat i'm not tis n tat.Hope d next trip wudnt b d same anymore...n of cos not so many ppl.

Discovery

Went out to haf dinner wif dad.I drive d atos,dad let me.Dad had dinner adi so he jst had 2 bottles of Skols while i'm eating.After tat we had sum chats.

Alot of things tat i duno was told by dad.Especially when i was born and wat happen in the labour room.Its amazing!Dad said tat i'm a good baby,din give much of the troubles compared to my 2 younger sisters.

Well its good to talk even tho i dun talk much.I jst listen,smile,laugh and jst give at least sum response la rite.I still feel very strange cudnt get use to being so open-up wif my dad how i wish i cud tok to him like a fren but i'm trying now.I've grown up la,soon to become 20yrs old,i shud not be afraid.Its not tat scary anyway...

Imperfection

Aunty,cammie and popo Yee went to Japan adi.Left me and dad alone here at home at Subang.Had sum talks with dad which affects me this few days for being down.My trust was betrayed,i am confused,i duno who to trust now but dad seems to make sense and of cos i shud believe my dad.The conversation between us was so bold,i asked him a question which is so not me,i wudnt be so daring last time but now the fact is.

Lyn aka 'mummy' treat us dinner on Tuesday after class.We went Bandar Manjalara to eat crabs.It tasted so nice.I like the stout crab if i'm not mistaken.It was cooked with Guiness stout or sumthg.It was 9 of us all enjoy the food alot.SO after dinner all left,Lyn fetch me back home.We talked alot while on the way back and i told her abt my prbs,i felt better.

There's a thing we both agree is tat no one is perfect.When u found someone who dun understands u,u complain abt it saying tat he/she not considerate not understanding and when u found someone who understands u,u complain tat he/she know too much abt u and u feel insecure tat they will use ur weaknesses as their target.I even heard ppl break up becos they understand each other too much,even me myself said tat before.Nothing can be perfect,the more u wan it perfect the more it will be screwed up.

I was told tat my life is like a cinderella story.Yea maybe it jst tat i havent find my happy ending.Yet to be i believe.

The most emotional party ever

The graduation show was good.The collection who got the 1st prize was really impressing.When i saw the collection,i knew it will get the 1st prize and i'm right!!!Shud go and buy numbers tat day,sure strike 1st prize wan by following my instinct.

We went to parrtayyy~after tat.WineRoom was our first pit-stop cos it was still early.Mummy followed us,she's the one who wanted to go there.So we had Bacardi Limon.The place is very cozy,nice and comfortable sofa.Mummy hubby came wif his frens and all to join us.So when time comes to 1115pm all wana go over to maison already.I let them go 1st and i stay for awhile,not good to all leave jst like tat.ZH and Mei was thr aso cos they came to our graduation show and i asked them to join us to party.So i've been running here and thr for the whole nite,went to Maison shake my booty den went bak to WineRoom to haf a couple of shots wif Kym and Charlie.

Only left mummy and 3 guys thr,Harees and 2 other ID guys.So kesian mummy,felt so guilty to leave her alone thr.She cried followed by me and den Charlie.Talking abt men,as a husband and as a father.Mummy told us sumthg which i think is quite true; every woman got their hidden sadness behind their happiest laughter .Maybe tis is why i said everyone is a faker,with tis kinda purpose of cos.Den came another girl,crying and of cos becos of men again.Haih...such an emo nite...

Den we went over to The Loft.Continue our parrtayy~Lots of malays tho...but we jst have ourself enjoying.Left half abt 45mins but we still can have so much fun.We hug and dance all together,7 or 8 of us...when the club play the slow song at the end of the nite.After the party we went yumcha at Buhari,had supper.Poor Charlie...bf jst left her alone clubbing wif us without saying a word to her and he still blame Charlie for it.Why when guy make mistakes and being so irresponsible likes to blame it to their gf/wife when the only mistake the gf/wife did is tat they love them too much?Very jin kak wan lor!!!!

........................................

Left at 4am+ and i haf to wake up at 645am to go Jalan Duta take 830am bus to go back Stw.Felt hang over,went to the toilet and force myself to puke.My head was like so heavy.

Reach Stw abt 1pm+.Haf to walk back to Granny's hse for lunch and get the car.After lunch went back home to get myself clean and dress and go out again to fetch popo to visit kongkong at nursing home.Grandpa's condition is not vry good,started to simply scold ppl again and cant talk properly.

After tat went back to fetch Jie and we went yum kopi peng at my favourite place.Chit chatted as usual.Went to get sumthg at Best Choice shop den went back to nursing home to fetch popo.After tat went back to fetch mum to go back home.Gees,i'm like a driver whn i get back but i dun mind la...

Went to Pundut for wantan noodles.Yummy~nice!Den went Lumut waterfront to digest our food for awhile.Chit chatted,me,mum n Jie.Its kinda weird wif mum around but its good.Saw alot of ACSians hanging out thr but i jst acted like tak nampak la.

And i lost my voice.Due to second hand smokes and liquors,and of cos lack of sleep.I sound so funny with my voice like tat,sexy in another way hahahahaha...i actually love it!

Felt so needy after tat party.Felt so lonely.Luckily thr's sum1 who is thr for me...

Dreadlock!!!

Damn!its already 3am and i'm still unlocking my dreadlock!!!!!Left 5 more but i pening adi...all becos of tmr nite fashion show and maison!!!!!!!!!

Luckily sum the lady did not vry tight if not!now aso kenot even finish unlocking 5 of 13 of it!!Ishk!!!nvm...once in a lifetime and tats it!

*eventho i like the style with having dreadlock hair...cool & wild~

It needs time to heal...

I knw thr's actually alot of ppl cares abt me.Alot but i din realise it until i had sum quite honest talk wif a fren of mine tat nite after Lyn's party.

She asked me,do i haf a true fren,a fren who will b thr to listen n help u whn u needed them.Unfortunately i cant think of any,thr's one schmate i get in touch wif after we graduate from highsch also take me for granted.At 1st i tot she will be busy flying around so din contact her tat much but who knws,my sis saw her bak in Stw,pak tor-ing wif her new bf n dun bother to even spend a minute to sms her fren,me who help n teached her so much n treating her as d oni fren i got frm sch.Well,not to say i'm jealous tat she got a new bf or watever,i jst wan fren who will rememeber me once in awhile n send me a msg or give me a call.*not to say other schmate or any frens in my sch is not my fren*

Ok,get back to d conversation.So my answer to her question is 'no'.And so she asked do i ever think tat is becos of my own attitude or way of communication makes ppl treat me tis way.Well i duno,i'm a person who dun really talk alot,i'm vry cautious wif asking ppl question afraid tat question will offence ppl,when i talk i haf to dig deep into my brain searching for a topic to chat abt n tats y sumtimes i cud be vry quiet.And my attitude,i dun really show if i care for sum1,i haf tat thinking tat my action will prove everything as long as i treat everyone wif my HEART and tats y ppl misunderstands me and so they dun like me...

Sum ppl thinks tat i'm too confident or over confident or arrogant,always think tat my work and my way of thinking is always right.Well yea in sum kind of things,but actually being confident is to cover up my weaknesses.Ppl may think i'm pretty or i'm hot or even happy but seriously i dun really like myself,i hate myself n i even think of myself as a rubbish.I may seems happy everyday everytime,it is becos i trained myself to be like tat since i'm vry vry young.But whn i shows tat i'm not happy on my face,did anyone even care to ask wat happen?n even if i did tell,anyone listen?Becos things happened to me tat i dun really trust a person fully,i believe everyone got their own secret tat vry hard to be reveal or too shameful to be reveal,wat will happen if i tell,wat will they think of me,will it be spread around like viruses?sum consequences is vry hard to accept tats y...Becos i'm too cautious,tats y i'm fake but yet i'm true in the heart.

Seriously,i think everyone is an actor/actress.It depends on whether the way they act are with heart or without,either wif good or bad intention.When u say the truth ppl may not like it and may think tat u r too harsh and dunwan to talk to u anymore and when u say sumthg tat every ppl likes to hear,u will feel uncomfortable becos u din say the truth and ppl will say tat u r fake but yet ppl still like to be with u...so?how?sum ppl may not like u being so straight forward n sum ppl likes u becos u'r true...

Sumtimes i feel vry lonely,sumtimes i make myself being lonely becos i felt tired.Alone is the only time i can be myself,i dun nit to care other ppl feelings,dun nit to care wat happen,i can cry when i'm sad,laugh when i'm happy.Life outside is so fake sumtimes,especially myself.Even i dun like sumthg,i dunwan sumthg i nit to do it becos i'm too concern abt other ppl feelings ler,if i dunwan go,i'm afraid of making a group of ppl not happy.Everything is up to ppl's choice becos i think tat not all the ppl like wat i like,like to do wat i like to do,eat wat i like to eat so end up its ppl's choice.

Sumtimes i felt abandon and i will think alot,blaming myself alot eventho its not my fault.I knw all tis is becos of my past,i wanted to be myself aso.But when i be myself,will every fren tat i haf now goes away?I jst wan ppl to understand me,things gradually will change becos of the situation tat one goin thru.I'm trying to change and i learn all the time.If a couple been together for 2 yrs,break up aso nit few years to totally forget abt tat person la,eventho they did forget,memories will sumtimes flash back n it will still reminds u of tat abusive bf or ur bf/gf who cheated on u etc. etc. but my situation is different,mine is 18yrs of my past,i cannot forget my parents i cannot forget wat i've gone thru i cannot forget the life tat i was born to live wif,the practice of being independent,being cautious of not being hurt,being so concern abt ppl's feelings cannot be erase jst like tat.It depends on how i take it,how i overcome it and how i learn from it.

I tot i had accepted the life i had but actually i'm avoiding it in another way,try to protect it,try to make the fact change sumhow or rather,try to stop things frm bad becoming worst but actually i cannot do anything wif it.I knw wats the problem wif myself,i knw but i duno how to heal myself,duno how to accept it and tats y my life is so miserable...

But after the talk i haf wif tis fren of mine,i think i knw wat i shud do and of cos i nit time to.I was so touch when tis another fren of mine came n tell me tat she really do care and willing to listen becos sumtimes she seems so blur to even care abt her hp hahaha...

Im so glad tat i haf u guys as my fren who really haf the initiative to wake me up and those who care abt me and take me as their fren,thanks Amnesty.

I'll start to love myself better and live my life like thr's no tomorrow.*

'Mummy's' Birthday party!!

Malas wana write so i'll jst let the photos do the talking. 'Mummy' is a coursemate of mine,a matured student.She happily married and she have a daughter,so she biasa adi treat us all like her daughter like tat so we call her mummy.She vry kind and hilarious,without her our college is like so quiet...hahahahaha...And on 30th March was her bday,so she invited us to her bday celebration at Sunway