Ba la la la ba la la la

i'm sitting infront of the tv and beside me is my laptop.
i'm back home at the place where i born the place where i call home.
lucky enough i can get online using dial-up which it very slow.
amazingly i sign in to my blogger perfectly compared when i'm at kl house with streamyx.
felt so tired...mentally.
lots of case studies and assignments but i'm gonna start doing it tomorrow.

i fantasies a lot lately.
imagine the life i wouldn't be in 15yrs time if i'm lucky.

talked to mum about my future plans.
well let it flow till time comes.
now i just want to work and buy stuff i desires.
importantly pass my marketing research subject pass this whole sem so i can proceed to my FMP.

i'm trying to make my life as simple as possible but there's always a problem on my way.
maybe i shud go church and pray more.
am i being ridiculous?

Living in KL

Like wat most of the people said KL life is very hectic.Competitive,traffic jams,busy,high standard of living etc. etc. I been here in KL for about a year already or more,times flies and soon I'm going to graduate.Make alot of new friends,hanging out,clubbing,shopping,go for trips together,kepo together,do assignment together,cry together and share everything together no matter good or bad like brother and sisters.

I still remember when I just finish my SPM and after CNY.Wooohoo so damn relax tat time,wake up 1 or 2 in the afternoon,go out lunch-tea,sit there at whichever coffee shop till evening with Jie and Ah Sze den go home have dinner den come out again at nite see whether if we're lucky enough to meet any cute guys(not local and not lala) and after tat I went home to online till 4 or 5am den sleep and all goes around doing the same thing every weekdays.Went to Cameron Highlands twice with both of them and we had lots of fun there,sweet memories.Life tat time was so relaxed so easy without worries,no assignments to rush,got car to drive here and there,got money aso duno where to spend but got abit boring la duno where to go,where to eat,where to drink,where to dance and where to shop.

And now me myself at KL here,busy with outings and assignments.No car to drive unless aunty not around.Nit to rush assignments.No money due to trips and shopping and everyday use.Time passes real fast and home is far away from college.And now I'm thinking of getting a freelance job to earn some money to buy some stuff for myself and save some money for the Bali trip in June and probably Singapore trip end of the year.Have to think wat to wear from day to day,buy new clothes,shoes,etc. to upgrade yourself(sort of).

I'm going back Sitiawan after tomorrow afternoon class,spend a day,renew my driving license den go Genting with mum and colleagues for family day(cut cost adi) for 3days and go back Sitiawan again till next Thurs.Its a long holiday back home and it save some money too(u can imagine how broke i am now) but I duno wat to do back there la,cannot online...sigh...Planned to get all those dvd and TVB drama series back home to watch.

Btw,last week I bought a pair of shoes from NOVO Bangsar Village,actually is Melissa,a very nice and comfortable and its on sale,40% off and it was rm99.90.Lynn went to buy just yesterday and its was back to the normal price,lucky me!So tats why if next time you see something you like and its on sale,you must buy.BBQ at Robin's again,not a very successful one cos the foil was burn not like last time but we still had fun la and as usual I'm the one who's doing all the cooking(i mean BBQ-ing) but eat abit oni.And the next day,we went sing K at Sunway Redbox with Lynn,Jessie,Robin,Henry,Alfie,Harees etc. etc. den after tat we went 1utama to watch MODA Fashion show den met Mic there.Actually we just wanted to see Jojo catwalk cos she was in the Malaysian Young Model finalist and den Jessie offer me 2 passes,one for me and another one for Robin.Wow...there's so many cute guys around,handsome...but....sigh....most of them are not straight,wasted.I spot on a male model.OMG!!!he's so handsome,so cute and so sweeeeeeeeeeeet!But too bad la,he must be gay or maybe bisexual and if he's bi den hehehe at least I got 50% of chance.

#will upload pictures later k...stay tuned!

As i've promise

The trip was fun jst lack of luck cos alot of things happened even once we reached Bangkok.We went into 2 taxi.So happen tat joe,charlie n kym taxi driver duno how to speak english at all.Having prb wif fone no credit so all kenot get contact to us who haf reached d hotel.So end up they stopped sumwhr nearby,me n robin walked out n pick them up.I was so f**king pissed at d taxi driver n i jst shoot him->"u taxi driver duno whr wan arh?!opposite thr oni la!" n he dun understand until ppl at the petrol station translate it to him.Stupid betul!

We wanted to go Bed club wan but underage.Damn their club,20yrs old only can enter,dah la mahal.Den went over to Qbar,let them c our IC instead of passport n we nearly succeeded but tis Kym really...haih...so we end up chillin' out at a really small club oni rm20 per person n u get a free drink.Only a english man in d club n no one else.We own d whole place by ourself n we can make request wat song to be played so we can dance.Damn hell alot of handsome whites thr n aso thais...c until eyes aso blur liao..

Thr was tis funny tat happened,ppl tot we'r japanese/koreans.So we faking it by toking to each other by adding 'ka' at d end of each words we speaks n they tot we'r really japanese/koreans.Thr's tis couple from japan asking us things n we were stoned looking at them trying so hard to understand den we tell them we'r not japanese.

Overall tis trip is not as fun as d Singapore trip becos thr's too much of us n tat's y misunderstanding happens.I'm d one who responsible for d whole trip,so much to worry abt but still thr's ppl complaint tat i din care abt whr they go n stuff like tat.At d end of d trip,i still help everyone of them to pack their stuff n of cos wif robin's help becos they left early cos 1 group went to pray d four-faced buddha n another group went shopping.N no one appreciates it,we can jst leave it thr n check-out like tat.Ppl make mistakes,well i did n i left robin's newly bought liquor n cigarettes.Actually it can be prevent if they'r not selfish...jst think of themself oni n no one else,d last person if they r considerate enuf they will look bak n c if anything left n so happened tat i walked 1st n i totally forget abt it.

I'm actually vry pissed.I've done so much n cared so much but still thr's ppl complaint tat i'm not tis n tat.Hope d next trip wudnt b d same anymore...n of cos not so many ppl.

Discovery

Went out to haf dinner wif dad.I drive d atos,dad let me.Dad had dinner adi so he jst had 2 bottles of Skols while i'm eating.After tat we had sum chats.

Alot of things tat i duno was told by dad.Especially when i was born and wat happen in the labour room.Its amazing!Dad said tat i'm a good baby,din give much of the troubles compared to my 2 younger sisters.

Well its good to talk even tho i dun talk much.I jst listen,smile,laugh and jst give at least sum response la rite.I still feel very strange cudnt get use to being so open-up wif my dad how i wish i cud tok to him like a fren but i'm trying now.I've grown up la,soon to become 20yrs old,i shud not be afraid.Its not tat scary anyway...

Imperfection

Aunty,cammie and popo Yee went to Japan adi.Left me and dad alone here at home at Subang.Had sum talks with dad which affects me this few days for being down.My trust was betrayed,i am confused,i duno who to trust now but dad seems to make sense and of cos i shud believe my dad.The conversation between us was so bold,i asked him a question which is so not me,i wudnt be so daring last time but now the fact is.

Lyn aka 'mummy' treat us dinner on Tuesday after class.We went Bandar Manjalara to eat crabs.It tasted so nice.I like the stout crab if i'm not mistaken.It was cooked with Guiness stout or sumthg.It was 9 of us all enjoy the food alot.SO after dinner all left,Lyn fetch me back home.We talked alot while on the way back and i told her abt my prbs,i felt better.

There's a thing we both agree is tat no one is perfect.When u found someone who dun understands u,u complain abt it saying tat he/she not considerate not understanding and when u found someone who understands u,u complain tat he/she know too much abt u and u feel insecure tat they will use ur weaknesses as their target.I even heard ppl break up becos they understand each other too much,even me myself said tat before.Nothing can be perfect,the more u wan it perfect the more it will be screwed up.

I was told tat my life is like a cinderella story.Yea maybe it jst tat i havent find my happy ending.Yet to be i believe.

The most emotional party ever

The graduation show was good.The collection who got the 1st prize was really impressing.When i saw the collection,i knew it will get the 1st prize and i'm right!!!Shud go and buy numbers tat day,sure strike 1st prize wan by following my instinct.

We went to parrtayyy~after tat.WineRoom was our first pit-stop cos it was still early.Mummy followed us,she's the one who wanted to go there.So we had Bacardi Limon.The place is very cozy,nice and comfortable sofa.Mummy hubby came wif his frens and all to join us.So when time comes to 1115pm all wana go over to maison already.I let them go 1st and i stay for awhile,not good to all leave jst like tat.ZH and Mei was thr aso cos they came to our graduation show and i asked them to join us to party.So i've been running here and thr for the whole nite,went to Maison shake my booty den went bak to WineRoom to haf a couple of shots wif Kym and Charlie.

Only left mummy and 3 guys thr,Harees and 2 other ID guys.So kesian mummy,felt so guilty to leave her alone thr.She cried followed by me and den Charlie.Talking abt men,as a husband and as a father.Mummy told us sumthg which i think is quite true; every woman got their hidden sadness behind their happiest laughter .Maybe tis is why i said everyone is a faker,with tis kinda purpose of cos.Den came another girl,crying and of cos becos of men again.Haih...such an emo nite...

Den we went over to The Loft.Continue our parrtayy~Lots of malays tho...but we jst have ourself enjoying.Left half abt 45mins but we still can have so much fun.We hug and dance all together,7 or 8 of us...when the club play the slow song at the end of the nite.After the party we went yumcha at Buhari,had supper.Poor Charlie...bf jst left her alone clubbing wif us without saying a word to her and he still blame Charlie for it.Why when guy make mistakes and being so irresponsible likes to blame it to their gf/wife when the only mistake the gf/wife did is tat they love them too much?Very jin kak wan lor!!!!

........................................

Left at 4am+ and i haf to wake up at 645am to go Jalan Duta take 830am bus to go back Stw.Felt hang over,went to the toilet and force myself to puke.My head was like so heavy.

Reach Stw abt 1pm+.Haf to walk back to Granny's hse for lunch and get the car.After lunch went back home to get myself clean and dress and go out again to fetch popo to visit kongkong at nursing home.Grandpa's condition is not vry good,started to simply scold ppl again and cant talk properly.

After tat went back to fetch Jie and we went yum kopi peng at my favourite place.Chit chatted as usual.Went to get sumthg at Best Choice shop den went back to nursing home to fetch popo.After tat went back to fetch mum to go back home.Gees,i'm like a driver whn i get back but i dun mind la...

Went to Pundut for wantan noodles.Yummy~nice!Den went Lumut waterfront to digest our food for awhile.Chit chatted,me,mum n Jie.Its kinda weird wif mum around but its good.Saw alot of ACSians hanging out thr but i jst acted like tak nampak la.

And i lost my voice.Due to second hand smokes and liquors,and of cos lack of sleep.I sound so funny with my voice like tat,sexy in another way hahahahaha...i actually love it!

Felt so needy after tat party.Felt so lonely.Luckily thr's sum1 who is thr for me...

Dreadlock!!!

Damn!its already 3am and i'm still unlocking my dreadlock!!!!!Left 5 more but i pening adi...all becos of tmr nite fashion show and maison!!!!!!!!!

Luckily sum the lady did not vry tight if not!now aso kenot even finish unlocking 5 of 13 of it!!Ishk!!!nvm...once in a lifetime and tats it!

*eventho i like the style with having dreadlock hair...cool & wild~

It needs time to heal...

I knw thr's actually alot of ppl cares abt me.Alot but i din realise it until i had sum quite honest talk wif a fren of mine tat nite after Lyn's party.

She asked me,do i haf a true fren,a fren who will b thr to listen n help u whn u needed them.Unfortunately i cant think of any,thr's one schmate i get in touch wif after we graduate from highsch also take me for granted.At 1st i tot she will be busy flying around so din contact her tat much but who knws,my sis saw her bak in Stw,pak tor-ing wif her new bf n dun bother to even spend a minute to sms her fren,me who help n teached her so much n treating her as d oni fren i got frm sch.Well,not to say i'm jealous tat she got a new bf or watever,i jst wan fren who will rememeber me once in awhile n send me a msg or give me a call.*not to say other schmate or any frens in my sch is not my fren*

Ok,get back to d conversation.So my answer to her question is 'no'.And so she asked do i ever think tat is becos of my own attitude or way of communication makes ppl treat me tis way.Well i duno,i'm a person who dun really talk alot,i'm vry cautious wif asking ppl question afraid tat question will offence ppl,when i talk i haf to dig deep into my brain searching for a topic to chat abt n tats y sumtimes i cud be vry quiet.And my attitude,i dun really show if i care for sum1,i haf tat thinking tat my action will prove everything as long as i treat everyone wif my HEART and tats y ppl misunderstands me and so they dun like me...

Sum ppl thinks tat i'm too confident or over confident or arrogant,always think tat my work and my way of thinking is always right.Well yea in sum kind of things,but actually being confident is to cover up my weaknesses.Ppl may think i'm pretty or i'm hot or even happy but seriously i dun really like myself,i hate myself n i even think of myself as a rubbish.I may seems happy everyday everytime,it is becos i trained myself to be like tat since i'm vry vry young.But whn i shows tat i'm not happy on my face,did anyone even care to ask wat happen?n even if i did tell,anyone listen?Becos things happened to me tat i dun really trust a person fully,i believe everyone got their own secret tat vry hard to be reveal or too shameful to be reveal,wat will happen if i tell,wat will they think of me,will it be spread around like viruses?sum consequences is vry hard to accept tats y...Becos i'm too cautious,tats y i'm fake but yet i'm true in the heart.

Seriously,i think everyone is an actor/actress.It depends on whether the way they act are with heart or without,either wif good or bad intention.When u say the truth ppl may not like it and may think tat u r too harsh and dunwan to talk to u anymore and when u say sumthg tat every ppl likes to hear,u will feel uncomfortable becos u din say the truth and ppl will say tat u r fake but yet ppl still like to be with u...so?how?sum ppl may not like u being so straight forward n sum ppl likes u becos u'r true...

Sumtimes i feel vry lonely,sumtimes i make myself being lonely becos i felt tired.Alone is the only time i can be myself,i dun nit to care other ppl feelings,dun nit to care wat happen,i can cry when i'm sad,laugh when i'm happy.Life outside is so fake sumtimes,especially myself.Even i dun like sumthg,i dunwan sumthg i nit to do it becos i'm too concern abt other ppl feelings ler,if i dunwan go,i'm afraid of making a group of ppl not happy.Everything is up to ppl's choice becos i think tat not all the ppl like wat i like,like to do wat i like to do,eat wat i like to eat so end up its ppl's choice.

Sumtimes i felt abandon and i will think alot,blaming myself alot eventho its not my fault.I knw all tis is becos of my past,i wanted to be myself aso.But when i be myself,will every fren tat i haf now goes away?I jst wan ppl to understand me,things gradually will change becos of the situation tat one goin thru.I'm trying to change and i learn all the time.If a couple been together for 2 yrs,break up aso nit few years to totally forget abt tat person la,eventho they did forget,memories will sumtimes flash back n it will still reminds u of tat abusive bf or ur bf/gf who cheated on u etc. etc. but my situation is different,mine is 18yrs of my past,i cannot forget my parents i cannot forget wat i've gone thru i cannot forget the life tat i was born to live wif,the practice of being independent,being cautious of not being hurt,being so concern abt ppl's feelings cannot be erase jst like tat.It depends on how i take it,how i overcome it and how i learn from it.

I tot i had accepted the life i had but actually i'm avoiding it in another way,try to protect it,try to make the fact change sumhow or rather,try to stop things frm bad becoming worst but actually i cannot do anything wif it.I knw wats the problem wif myself,i knw but i duno how to heal myself,duno how to accept it and tats y my life is so miserable...

But after the talk i haf wif tis fren of mine,i think i knw wat i shud do and of cos i nit time to.I was so touch when tis another fren of mine came n tell me tat she really do care and willing to listen becos sumtimes she seems so blur to even care abt her hp hahaha...

Im so glad tat i haf u guys as my fren who really haf the initiative to wake me up and those who care abt me and take me as their fren,thanks Amnesty.

I'll start to love myself better and live my life like thr's no tomorrow.*

'Mummy's' Birthday party!!

Malas wana write so i'll jst let the photos do the talking. 'Mummy' is a coursemate of mine,a matured student.She happily married and she have a daughter,so she biasa adi treat us all like her daughter like tat so we call her mummy.She vry kind and hilarious,without her our college is like so quiet...hahahahaha...And on 30th March was her bday,so she invited us to her bday celebration at Sunway